Happy Holidays

I just realized that I did not post a "Happy Holidays" articles.

I hope everyone had and still has a happy Holiday season, whatever you like to celebrate. New Year's is still on the way!

Spiritual Abuse Resources

If anything I write here is inaccurate, let me know.

Spiritual abuse is psychological trauma (which may include physical abuse) caused by the involvement in a religious group, cult, or with a so-called spiritual "teacher." This is a rather loose definition that was deduced from reading several websites on the matter. Many leaders of religious and spiritual groups manipulate and/or terrorize their flocks into following them for their own purposes, but the leaders in question may be duped by the system itself, believing that they are doing "the Lord's work" or "bringing spiritual evolution." It is used to describe abuse coming from fundamentalist Christian groups, such as those who adhere to Hellfire Fundamentalism (radical sect of Christians whose focus is on the doctrine of eternal torment, which may be coupled with focus on the End Times). The United Pentacostal Church has also been accused of harboring spiritual abuse. However, spiritual abuse can come from any radical form of any faith. Spiritual abuse may cause someone to question their relationship with God or even the existence of God. Many people are so badly abused that symbols associated with the abusive group may "trigger" bad memories or feelings. Here is a Wikipedia article on spiritual abuse. Even if you don't trust Wikipedia as a source, there are links to resources for spiritual abuse at the bottom of that page.

Resources (the views on these pages do not necessarily refelct my own views):
Church Abuse.com
Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources
Spiritual Abuse: With a Secondary Focus on the United Pentacostal Church
SOSA: Survivors of Spiritual Abuse
Ex Church of Christ Support Group
Article on Spiritual Abuse by The Watchmen Expositor
The Awareness Center: Jewish Survivors of Spiritual Abuse (Sexual Abuse and Sexual Assualt)
Spiritual Abuse - An Unsafe Safe Place (Spring 2005)
Safe in Church

Update

I started this blog two years ago. Since then, my OCD was partially alleviated. I’m not completely cured as I still have to take medications and use mental tools to control the obsessions and compulsions, but I am much better. I don’t have overt compulsions as they usually involve some sort of prayer. My obsessions were and still are to an extent related to the fear of losing my salvation, but I am not wrought with the fear I had two years ago. It only spikes during stressful times and/or when I have little social support.

I still call myself a Christian as I still have the core beliefs (Jesus is the son of God and shed His blood for the sins of the world). I sometimes have trouble saying that I am a Christian because people tend to pidgeonhole me into the same category as Christians one sees in mainstream society. I don’t believe that unbelievers go to eternal hellfire, though. I have been studying the idea that everyone will eventually be saved after being purified/corrected (so no one really gets away with anything, and the process of correction isn’t a picnic to say the least). However, I still see the cessation of existence for the unsaved to be the most logical outcome for now; still, universal reconciliation is still inviting.

You may have seen some references to esoteric, “New Agey” and Eastern spirituality stuff on this blog, and I understand if this confuses some people. When I was referring to these things, I was taking a class called “Consciousness and Spirituality” at University. As I studied the material, the perspectives I learned helped me to personally understand passages in the Bible better. Since I was learning about spiritual matters outside the context of fear and threat of punishment, they were easier to mentally digest. Since taking that class, I think I have a better personal understanding of some of the passages from the Bible and from what [I hope] God tells me. As for the stuff about self-remembrance, I think self-examination is fine for seeing what needs to be changed. If you have ever tried it, it’s not a blissful experience. Sometimes it’s boring, and at other times, it can be frightening—at least that is how I experienced it.

In other news, I watched a special on CNN last night called “God’s Warriors.” They featured a pastor named Greg Boyd. From the interview, he seemed like an interested pastor. He does not believe in forcing the beliefs of Christianity on the rest of the nation. Here is his website. I have not read everything on that site, so be careful to make your own decision about what he says. I know from experience that it is easier to simply listen to someone else as opposed to actually thinking about it. I’ve gotten into trouble for doing the former.

I hope everyone has a blessed holiday season and a happy new year.

"Orthodoxy and Gregory of Nyssa's Universalism " by James Edward Goetz

Mr. Goetz has written an interesting article on Universal Salvtion, putting his arguments into scriptural and historical contexts. After you read it, post it somewhere, refute it with your own work (but post your refutation there so he can see and answer them if he chooses), or whatever else you want to do with it. Just give the guy credit for it, alright? Alright. :)

thesearch4truth.net Blog (EDITED)

Chris (PragmaticChris) has decided that he is not going to renew the domain of the forums or his blog, so I'm removing the link.

In other news, I haven't been doing well either. I have schoolwork and other responsibilities, so talking about my own problems would take up too much time for me to type it all. I may go more in-depth later, but for now, all I want to say that it has something to do with my condition (OCD) and my sister possibly having temporal lobe epilepsy.

That is all.

Rituals

I was in Theories of Soceity class on Tuesday. We talked about Durkheimian theory and it helped me to articulate something that I am starting to realize.

Back when I started this blog, I had a negative view of rituals. Now, I don't think they are such a bad idea. If a ritual helps one to get into the mindset, that's fine. As long as the ritual does not become more important than the teachings of one's spiritual path, it's fine to me. I think the problem comes when the ritual becomes a burden and makes a person forget what's really important--love for God and love for others. Those two things pretty much cover it.

According to Durkheim, ritual is important in holding society together. This may be religious in nature of be of the civil kind. It helps to strengthen social bonds with others. How did I jump from the ritual in the context of a group to ritual in the context of the individual? Durkheim did a suicide study about one hundred years ago. He was not necessarily internested in the reasons individuals committed suicide, but in the rates of suicide in certian groups. He ascertained that Protestants had the highest rate of suicide while Catholics and Jews had the lowest. My professor claims that these rates are the same today. Durkheim reasoned that since Protestants are highly individualistic ("the priesthood of all", personal relationship with God, etc) and did not have many group rituals, there is less intergration into the group. There are fewer people to lean upon in times of hardship. This is Durkheim's view, mind you.

Since reading this, I have begun to think that group rituals (group prayers, etc...not necessarily the pageantry one sees in the Catholic church) are not a bad thing as long as the "leader" is not controlling of the individual's relationship with God. God himself is the deciding factor, and if a person feels that they need to take part some sort of communal activity, it's a good thing.

I hope this post was not too convoluted. Have a good weekend, all.

R.I.P. Madeleine L’Engle

:(

Madeleine L’Engle, who in writing more than 60 books, including childhood fables, religious meditations and science fiction, weaved emotional tapestries transcending genre and generation, died Thursday in Connecticut. She was 88.

This saddens me a little. I loved her books when I was a child with their religious allusions and morals of good overcoming evil with love.

If you're a parent looking for a good book for your child, pick up one of her books. If you're an adult with no children, pick up one of her books. They're sci-fi spiritual fables.

The Search for the Truth Message Board Needs Your Help!

This forum is open to everyone who wants to talk about anything. Spirituality, the paranormal, current events, politics, religion, science, or anything else a person desires. All that is required is an open mind and a thirst for the truth!

Sign up today! Registration is free.

Tentmaker Forum Back Up!

Check it out!

On Doing Your Own Spiritual Work

Remember what I wrote about doing your own spiritual work (i.e., reading stuff for yourself and listening to God yourself)? Well, I did not do that. I realized this about a week ago.

See, I grew too attached to someone who I considered a teacher and a savior. I read his messages and took them to heart. I even developed a stupid internet crush on the guy.

What I have finally realized is what worked for him was not working for me, and being so attached to him that I listened to him as opposed to listening to God retarded me in my spiritual development. I finally "came out" and admitted my crush to him on a public forum where I was justly given a verbal slap in the face by this person. I needed this to see my foolishness.

This has made me realize in spades that I need to listen to God directly and not follow after what someone else is doing, even if they one of the main people who helped me out of Hellfire Fundamentalism. I focused on the human when I should have focused on the God, Son, and Spirit coming through that person. I love you, my readers. (Though not in a romantic sense!) Take care.

God bless.

Beware the Scribes down AGAIN

I've received word from the webmaster that this website may be resurrected, so I'll keep the readers posted.

Also, the Tentmaker forums are being revamped. I'll post the link when it comes back up again.

Criticism of Christian Publicaitons

Time Changer is like many other Christian movies: retarded theology, cliches, and horrible writing. Wait, I was being redundant. Oh well.

Basically, a guy from the late-1800s goes into the future and sees the evils of modern-day society. Something Awful does a hilarious job of reviewing this piece of tripe.

Many people may find it odd that I mercilessly ridicule Christian movies in general. In many Christian circles, it's almost considered heresy to criticize anything to do with Christianity. It does not matter how idiotic, demeaning, and downright hateful a writer's interpretation is. If a person makes a parody of it or criticizes it, then that person is seen as "mocking God." I think Christianity would be taken more seriously if other Christians were not afraid of pointing out absurdity within their ranks.

Yes, there are things in the world that are wrong, but simply saying that "Jesus said it was wrong, and that's that" is a silly argument. It may work amongst a few Christians, but non-Christians will see right through this assertion right to a person's lack of logic, laziness, or both. People are converted through examples of Christ in other people (people having the faith in God to fill them with the Spirit--when they are filled with God, and the vessel acting accordingly (even though it is still all God)) and the beckoning of the Holy Spirit, not inane arguments and Bible-thumping. Wait, was I being redundant against just now? Forget it...

Beware the Scribes Offline Again

It appears that Beware the Scribes is off line again. Hopefully this is a temporary shutdown do to a move to a new server.

Of Harry Potter and Fundamentalism

Any psychologist (or critical thinker for that matter) will tell you that many interconnected and separate forces actually influence an individual to make a decision. Apparently, some people do not seem to understand this. Granted, I am not a fan of Harry Potter. I started to read the first book and became bored. I just saw The Order of the Phoenix on Thursday and thought it was a good children's movie. To me, the movie portrayed the power of love against hate in a fun, fantasy context.

Since the books came out, Fundamentalist Christians attacked the books and demanded that they be banned in schools. These Christians contend that the Harry Potter books drag children into the "dark world" of witchcraft. Yes, I am well aware of the warning against witchcraft in the Old Testament, but is this something about which Christians should be seriously worried? It is possible to allow a child to read a book hinting at wizardry and remind them that it is all imaginary. Before Harry Potter, Dungeons and Dragons was the scapegoat. Humans have a tendency to blame a growth in a social group on whatever made them take notice of that group, and religious leaders will attack anything that could possibly lead their personal flock astray.

I think that many (if not most) of the attacks on the Harry Potter books come from laziness. It's easy to attack a children's book as opposed to working on one's own spiritual life. I've been down that road, and I know that self-examination is harder than bashing every work of fiction I don't like.

Not a Catholic? Then You are Just a Partial Christian

Apparently. Why does Ratzinger do this when the world is going up in flames? So much for Romans 12:3-5:

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, [being] many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

I believe that each denomination has its own virtues, and all denominations can learn a thing or two from other denominations. Do we really need the fighting in Ireland again?

Memorial Day

I would like to wish everyone in the 'States a safe Memorial Day weekend.

If you would like to help the men and women in the armed forces, visit these links:
America Supports You
USO
Welfare and Family (British Armed Forces support)

Being Aware of the Spirit

I just realized something last night. I was watching the end of an episode of Pastor Scott in which Gene Scott's wife was preaching about the Holy Spirit. She said that there is another being inside of a person who has the Spirit. I know this sounds like a "no duh" sort of thing, but hearing the words helped me to be more aware of the Spirit.

It's not important to simply be aware of yourself being present to yourself. I almost think that that part is not so important to me anymore. Being aware of yourself as a person with the Spirit lets you know there is someone else there in your being, but I think that actually being aware of the Holy Spirit as a whole other being inside of you is much more important.

Jerry Falwell

It has been a week since Jerry Falwell died. I, like many of my readers, was actually joyful when he was dead. I was elated that one more Fundamentalist Christian was going to be poisoning the name of Christianity. However, I was no better than the man himself for being joyful in his passing. He may have praised God when certain people died, but to be happy about his death makes me or anyone else no better than he was.

However, it irritates me when people become indignant when critics bring up Falwell's less-than-Christian deeds. He may have done a great deal for the Christian right, and if he has done charity work, that's great! Still, the man is not above reproach. No mortal is. If people expect Muslims to root out the extremists in their camps, then Christians should not be afraid to call out the nuts in Christianity when they see them. Criticism of certain religious "leader" is not an attack on Christianity as a whole, just as criticism of Muslim extremists is not an attack on Islam as a whole.

I send my condolences to his family, friends, and supporters, but individuals, including religious leaders, speak for themselves.

On Emptiness

I may have frightened some of you off when I mentioned the emptiness I found upon remembering myself for the first time. That emptiness was me, myself, my own being. I am empty. However, I believe the Holy Spirit resides there because I sense him. This is after making the differentiation between myself and the Godhead with and/or in myself.

I think that the Holy Spirit could come through even if people were not empty at the core of their being. From what I read in the Bible, the body is like a conduit through which the Holy Spirit flows.

Also, about being a machine--John Godolphin Bennet, author of Making a Soul, says that there is a difference between doing and choice. We do not do--everything in us happens whether we like it or not. Choice is different, because it means possibilities. You can choose to remember yourself (being acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself (as my professor, Dr. Quentin Dinardo, would say)--that you're you, you're in the here and now). This paradox is much like the paradox one finds upon reading the Bible concerning free will--you have a choice, but you're still a slave to sin. I think that what Bennet and Ouspensky (author of The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution) are talking about is at least almost exactly like the paradox found in the Bible. I do not want to make any absolute statements here, since translations of the Bible may be full of errors and I do not know everything.

When you remember yourself, you have more possibilities because you are in a higher state of consciousness. I have been there. Since I am in sleep again, it is difficult to explain it. It's difficult anyway since spiritual things can not be fully tied down in words.

The experience was as if a photograph with a bright lightbulb was being taken. I sensed everything, and everything seemed so clear. Bennet, Ouspensky, and others assert that when we have accidental moments of self-consciousness (self-remembering), we create memories.

I do not necessarily agree with everything Bennet and Ouspensky say. I still believe that Jesus was the Son of God and died as a sacrifice for my sins, but the material from my Consciousness and Spirituality class gave me a better vocabulary for assimilating and organizing my faith in my heart and mind.

"The entrence to the temple is gaurded by two demons; they are confusion and paradox (Q. Dinardo, personal communication, 2007)." This was originally stated by a Sufi mystic, but I do not remember his name.

Much Better Today

I feel much better today. I believe the matter is pretty much settled (for now, in case I have another relapse). I guess it's the whole "peace that surpasses all understanding" thing.

Take care all! Thanks for your support.

Unforgivable Sin

One thing that has been bothering me for awhile now is the issue of the Unforgivable Sin (Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit). I have struggled with this before until someone explained it to me, but a couple of months ago, I read a post by this same someone telling someone else that they committed this sin for claiming that they saved souls.

I have been in a state of terror off and on since then. Even if the rebellious are eventually destroyed, I don't want to go where they're going.

I know I shouldn't base my faith off the idea of punishments and rewards. It's so hard not to do so, especially after being brought up Catholic and being sucked into a Fundie cult later on. The idea of being able to commit a sin that would guarantee that they are permantently doomed.

I'm terrified and sick. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to even think about the Holy Spirit for fear that I may screw up somehow.

Texas Lawmaker Wants to Ban Homosexuals from Fostering

It appears that a Texas Republican lawmaker wants to keep Homosexuals from fostering children. It's pure idiocy in my book. I guess in this bozo's eyes no loving, supportive parents (or worse, being put with Fundies) is better than being put with a homosexual couple.

Of course, this lawmaker does not wish to be named. This is unfortunate, because then I would urge my readers to send letters to this person.

It's sickening. Truly sickening.

Here is the link to the story.

Conference of the Lambs

Jeri Massi, an active critic of Christian Fundamentalism and author of the Secret Radio series and Blog on the Lillypad, will be hosting a conference in Charlotte, NC for survivors of church abuse. All are welcome to attend, especially those who have been harmed my spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse in a church setting as well as those who want to leave legalistic Christianity behind them.

Click here for more information.

Lonliness

I'm getting so lonely recently. I have a couple of friends with whom I can connect, but I would love to talk to someone with whom I can share my thoughts and beliefs comfortably and who will set me straight when needed. Even though I think the relationship between a believer and the Godhead is the most important thing, I think that believers still need other people during their weaker moments. Sometimes, people don't listen as well as they should. I believe that other people need to be there to figuratively (or maybe even literally) slap a believer upside the head and set him straight.

I am wary of churches and "Christian" forums. For one thing, many churches/forums seem like country clubs, and I do not want to be sucked in to a certain denomination or "party line." The contact I would like to have need not be in person, even though that would probably be better. I just want good quality contact and discussions every so often. I don't feel comfortable bearing my mind to the world on issues like this, but I just need to get this out. I'm not absolutely miserable or anything. I make do, but I just would like more contact.

To add to this, I wonder whether or not yearning for contact with other believers for spiritual discussion can be confused with yearning for a romantic partner. I believe that this has been happening to me. When I connect with someone spiritually, sometimes I have romantic feelings toward him. I suppose this is just the flesh getting in the way. I know that sometimes fellowships result in lasting romantic pairings at times, it's hard to have that when the person with whom one is fellowshipping is at least 1,000 miles away. While it is nice to have a romantic partner (which I do not have at this point), what I really think I need is good spiritual discussion with someone who has not been clouded by Fundamentalism or denomination.

The reason I am separating romance and spiritual connectivity apart is that romance seems to take over the situation with me. It clouds the situation, and I end up losing sight of what really matters. That is the truth as I see it.

With work, perhaps I will be better at keeping romantic feelings at bay. If, God willing, I run into someone with whom I can have both a spiritual and romantic connection, hopefully I will have been able to get my emotionality under control so that the idealistic feelings don't cloud my judgment.

Beware the Scribes Back Up! For Real This Time!

Don't take that heading cynically, either. My acquaintance who runs that website got it back up, and none of the original articles have been lost! *safety dance*

Go there now!

Also, I may be putting up some artwork pertaining to spirituality (and no, I'm not talking about that fan-art of me glomping a god character from Sacrifice, either). Stay tuned!

(Almost) Achieving Consciousness(?)

Note: I highly suggest that you go out and get The Inner Journey Home by A. H. Almas and read it for yourself. These understandings are based on my own understandings and those of my professor and classmates. Don't take what I say as gospel.

Today in Consciousness and Spirituality, we talked about chapters three and nine in The Inner Journey Home by A. H. Almas. These chapters were basically about how the soul in addition to being a field of sensitivity, it is a field of consciousness. It is consciousness. It is an organism of consciousness. This consciousness is also presence. Almas uses consciousness and presence interchangeably because that is his findings and the findings of others through personal examination. When a person remembers himself, he is conscious of being conscious, as the soul is at its basic level. Almas says that all thinking, doing, feeling, and other cognitions or actions are separate from this basic ground of the soul. In order to get to a point of self-remembrance (which is the higher state of consciousness that is just above what we usually experience), we must release all these other things and get to the ground, the consciousness, and presence of the soul.

For our exercise, we meditated. The aim of this meditation is to remember yourself, or as Dr. Dinardo put it, "Being acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself." So, with the information that I read and learned, I sought to get to the ground of my soul. I first thought to myself that I was going to experience the soul, that is, the pure consciousness, presence, and "beingness." A few times I had a sense that I was getting very close to something, and each I experienced things in my body. I gasped for air, breathed deeper, my chest felt as if it were clenching (nothing painful, but I was aware of it). It was like coming up for air. I didn't get all the way "there," wherever "there" was in this case. It could have been the higher state of consciousness, but I won't know it for sure until I get there.

It was like the story of a Sufi mystic who, when asked how he achieved enlightenment, said that he learned from watching a dog. He said that the dog kept creeping up to a pool of water in the desert, but frightened by his reflection, he jumped away. After a while, he needed the water so much that he finally just plunged in. We don't want really know ourselves. When we get hints of it, we really don't like what we see. This is at least my own interpretation of it.

Ugghhh...

I know I said I would post a journal entry every week. Well, I'm afraid I will have to do it only once in awhile. My academic life is really putting pressure on me, and other things in my life are going down the toilet. Not really bad when juxtaposed with the Bigger Picture, but is still makes me feel as if I am wading through mud.

Take care, all. I'm sorry.

Journal Entry Delays

I apologize for the lack of journal entries in the last too weeks. I had a rather nasty cold that hung on for a couple of weeks, and now, I just have a cough that will not go away.

Hopefully, I will post something later this week.

In the meantime, enjoy this short video.
And this one, for MST3K fans.

First Entry

"From January 17, 2007.

Today was my first day in a class called Consciousness and Spirituality. My professor described the class as the psychology of consciousness and the evolution of human consciousness. For the first half of the class, he explained the syllabus and out texts. He went down a road telling us about G. Gurdjieff, a spiritual teacher and mentor to P. D. Ouspenksy and J.G. Bennet. Gurdjieff grew up in Georgia, and as an adult, decided that he would dedicate his life to the search for ancient, long-lost knowledge. He finally joined a monastery (I can not remember the exact name and location) he believed would give him the knowledge he needed and lived there for a while. While living at the monastery, he was given the task of bringing what he learned there to the outside world. He established a school outside of Paris in order to convey this information to the world. My professor told us that Gurdjieff believed that we are not born with souls but that we must cultivate a soul and strive to help it develop to its full potential. I regret not being able to provide more detail and I hesitate to use the internet because of the burden of having to sift through unreliable sources.

My professor gave us his own insights about the nature of being and the insights of his own mentors on the subject. He said that “[we] are the living manifestation of the collective mind” of civilization. He believes that people are a product of their particular civilization and that individual people as members of a particular civilization are “like fruit on a tree and berries on a bush.” This how powerful the force of culture is on a person. One civilization can be thought of as an apple tree and another as a pear tree.

When a person is “awake” or truly conscious (as opposed to the “sleep” in which most people seem to move about daily), a person goes beyond the forces of culture. They go beyond their programming are no longer slaves to their cultural programming. My professor said that in a state which he calls “true self-consciousness,” a person is in a state in which he is consciously aware of where his is in his own being. I suppose the state in which most people are existing is such that people are not really sure where they are in life. They just go through life with the flow. I am not talking about people who follow no schedule, nor do I think that following schedules are a bad thing. I just agree with my professor that most people are simply not “awake.” Most people simply get up, go to work/school, come home, focus on their material lives, and maybe include some religion here and there as custom dictates. I have to wonder whether or not most people I see on the street are “awake.” I honestly can not make that judgment, but my professor said something about a story in which the first Buddha, Siddhartha, was walking along. A man came up to Siddhartha and noticed something different about him. The man asked him if he was a king, prince, owner of much land, or some other type of prestigious person. Siddhartha simply answered, “I am awake.” This goes back to what Odin, former owner of BewaretheScribes.net, said about people who are saved (and I paraphrase): “Those who are truly connected to God will be identified as such [or at least as something different or special].”

In another story the professor told the class is one in which Siddhartha was walking along with many, many disciples following him. A person came up to Siddhartha and asked him about his teachings. Siddhartha said that he could not teach people about the level he (Siddartha) attained. He went on to say that he hopes that he is giving his disciples “a thirst” for conscious growth. I suppose that is what happens when the Spirit convicts people. That is what happened to me, at least. I suddenly had this thirst to learn and grow. After a year or so, I started to slack off. I’ll talk more about getting back off my bum in a minute.

Anyway, we took a ten minute break. I asked the professor for clarification of some detail on the syllabus. He clarified it for me and remarked that I was very detail-oriented. I sheepishly agreed with him and told him that I had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. What he said in response made sense and confirmed what I had already thought. He told me that many times assets are treated as illnesses. He added that having what people may call an “anxiety disorder” means that a person is “like a rabbit that just came out of his hole looking for danger,” and that it could be a real asset. He did agree that the energies of those talents may be focused in life-disrupting patterns (such as excessive, repeated checking, obsessing, excessive washing, excessive “prayer,” and other compulsions). The point of this is that many times, talents can be misdirected into behaviors that do not serve us well. Being detail oriented is useful in many situations, such as designing a automobile or space station component, but when those energies are focused into unproductive behaviors, they only serve to make us miserable. Sometimes, useful behaviors can be mislabeled as being a symptom of a disorder. My professor explained that even though Freud did give psychology many useful ideas, but his habit of calling any strange behavior a symptom of some illness was shortsighted. Instead of correctly identifying truly dysfunctional behavior and thought processes (that come of misdirecting energies) as symptoms, many people would say that being detail-oriented is itself an illness. My professor said that the job of the therapist is to redirect energies (or something to that effect) so that a person engages in fewer instances of dysfunctional behavior. I suppose the complete ceasing of dysfunctional behaviors is possible in adepts (sages or enlightened people) who have “made it” all the way to the highest state of consciousness, if there aren’t infinite dimensions of consciousness. (That’s a doozy to think about, eh?)

We did a class exercise for the second half of the class period. The professor instructed us to walk around the room and gaze closely at other people in silence. We had to really look at the people we passed and think about what we were feeling when we looked at each person. I was apprehensive about looking closely at others and about having others look closely at me at first, but then I started feeling like I was looking into people. I also felt that they were looking into me. With one person, it felt as if we were meshing halfway. The time we spent looking at one another seemed longer and deeper than the time I spent looking at others. There were a couple of others with whom I seemed to connect as well. After this part of the exercise, we were to pair up with the person with whom we felt the best about connecting. I tried to pair up with that aforementioned person, but I hesitated and he paired up with someone else. I paired up with someone I knew but felt somewhat good about looking at. I guess that feeling about her came partially from recognizing her from a past class we had together and already having preconceived notions of what she was like based on what I knew about her from that time. She also did not look at me for very long. I felt that she was holding back a little like many other people in the class. Anyway, in our pairs we were to walk around the room and look at other people as pairs. I felt some connection with the people, but not nearly as much as I did when looking at others one-on-one. I felt that I the connection was more spread out and less concentrated than as it was when looking at others individually.

Then, as pairs, we paired with other pairs and sat in a circle. We talked about our experiences walking around in pairs, and then we were clustered into larger groups. The larger groups were to talk about their reasons for taking the class and what they hoped to gain from it. One lady really stood out to me. She said that it was her third time taking the course because something in her did not want to go further the last couple of times. Something in her became extremely uncomfortable. It was not the amount of material to read or the difficulty of the tests, but there was something in her that recoiled during the process. I could say it was something in her that she did not want to confront, but only she and the Godhead know that. Another person said that she wanted to gain more knowledge for the sake of learning. This lady was a true scholar. She had such a thirst for knowledge that she said learning was “like Christmas morning every day.” She laughed with delight as she was saying this. I have never seen such zeal before, and I have to say that I am envious of her zeal. Another person said he wanted to learn to understand people better since he is working internationally as a mechanical engineer.

I am taking the course because I want to not only fill in my elective requirements, but also to further my spiritual development. I believe that I am backslidden a bit, and I have not been growing much recently, if at all. Hopefully, the experiences in this class would jumpstart the growth again. I have a sense that I will be challenged a great deal and experience some level or pain along the way. My professor even said that the course was challenging, saying that “[we] will gain a thirst for that development or choke on it.” He even said that some people may not be able to handle the class if they are so stuck in their beliefs and want nothing to do with challenging them. One lady decided to leave and put off taking the class until the next Spring semester so she could give all of her time to the class. I was about to ask God about whether or not I should stay, but I immediately sensed something to the effect of “You’re Staying!” So stay I shall.

Finally, we all got together in a large circle as a class to discuss our feelings on the exercise and about sitting in the circle. I mentioned the sense of connectiveness in the circle and the feeling of love that seemed to go in and out of me and everyone. One incredibly bright lady said that the connection itself is love and the loving of another person. It makes sense, because connecting at a deep level (at least to a level one is not accustomed) makes one vulnerable. Allowing someone to come in takes a great deal of trust, and it becomes such an intimate experience as my professor said. It’s quite difficult to put it into words. The professor quoted a character from the beginning of the movie Crash: “This is not a real city. In real cities like New York or Chicago, people brush up against each other. It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.”* The same bright lady I mentioned earlier also said that how you perceive a spiritual experience (or even if you perceive an experience as such) depends on your outlook on life. Some people are more open to receiving a taste of wakefulness and others are not. People color experiences with what is programmed into them by their culture. I imagine the coloring of experiences happens progressively less as someone gets closer to the higher state of being for which everyone strives in some way. Some people just happen to get on the wrong road to it, whether it be by drugs, eating, material wealth, religion, and other mundane things. Aristotle said that everything strives for its final cause, or telos. Many times, what Aristotle calls the agent of motion may be events that change us and rattle our cages to wake us up. This whole discussion made me think of the “Allegory of the Cave” from Plato’s Republic. Read it and you’ll see why." http://www.ilt.columbia.edu/publications/Projects/digitexts/plato/the_republic/book07.html

*Part of this quote was taken from Wikipquote: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Crash

Things Are Going to Get A Lot More Interesting Around Here

I started a class called Consciousness and Spirituality today. It is very interesting, and I am journaling about it in my spiral notebook. I will be typing these journal entries and posting them here. I have already written an entry, but I am too lazy at the moment to type it up and post it here (it's seven written pages, not front-and-back). These posts are going to be long, and involve the use of words such as "feeling," "sense," "energies," and other concepts that people who have at least a slight distaste for emotionalism and instinct being involved in spirituality may not enjoy. These will consist of what happened in class and what my professor said. I will also include my own insights and interpretations as well.

The required texts (not including readings from out-of-print books in the library) for this class: The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution by P.D. Ouspensky, Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness & the Essential Self by Kabir Edmund Helminski, and Making A Soul: Human Destiny and the Debt of Our Existence by J.G. Bennet. There will be concepts from spiritualities that predate Christianity as we know it, but Jesus basically espoused the same ideas that other contemporaries did. I just happen to believe that He is the Son of God and that He died as a sacrifice for my sins. There is no reason why I should not be able to bring in some concepts I learn and utilize them to have a better understanding of my individual spirituality. You may not know this, but in the Gospel of Mary Magdeline which was found among the collection of scrolls ascertained at Nag Hummadi, the author talks about individual development, just as Jesus did as I interpret the New Testament. I make the mistake of taking other people's interpretation as gospel (no pun intended) as opposed to taking the voice of God (not a collection of scrolls as we know as a book) as God's literal word.

I will mention the name of my professor with his permission. Until then, take care all, and God bless.

New Links

I put up some of the old links from the blog. I also included links to pregnancy crisis centers for pregnant women and friends of pregnant women. Some support abortion, some discourage it.

I do not like abortion, but I do not believe in making it illegal. The government has no place in legislating religious doctrine.

Back at LSH (Last Stop Hell)

I was browsing through my old posts here and I realized that I had posted about not going back to the Last Stop Hell forum. Well, I went back after awhile. I know, I know.

It's like a train wreck--it's hard to turn away. This time, though, I am not upset by the Fundie rants. They either bore me or I simply do not read them (most of them are too darn long to read because they probably copied and pasted the content from another website). The nonFundies have taken over and do most of the posting. It's really not what it used to be. If I were more in favor of LSH, I would say that it has deteriorated. Frankly, I'm glad. It is no longer as efficient as it was for dragging unsuspecting souls into the Web of Fundamentalist Despair.

In other news, I decided to post some links and organize them nicely. Of course, I did not republish my Blog after editing the template. ::(

Beware the Scribes Not Likely to be Revived

I just recently contacted the webmaster of the old Beware the Scribes website, and he said that he can't get in touch with the provider. It is unlikely that it will be revived.

Here's to a good run for a friend's dream. It may not have lasted long, but Hell, it happened.

Beware the Scribes still down...

Since this site has been down for a while, I decided to remove the link until it comes back up.