More Scrupulosity Links

Scrupulosity Wikipedia Article
The fact that the use of Wikipedia slips my mind never ceases to amaze me.

HealthyPlace.com's Article on Scrupulosity

OCD Board

I have removed the link to the OCD message board because a Fundamentalist showed up there and posted some remarks that could have caused people to be triggered. I suspect he may have gone through my blog, but even if he did not, I am removing the link out for the safety of the people on the board.

The Holidays were pretty stressful and my scrupulosity spiked a bit, but now that Christmas is over with I can relax, finally.

Here is the lyrics to the Firefly Theme Song, also known as the Ballad of Serenity. It was inspiring to me today to keep going and keep up the fight against Fundamentalism and my OCD.

Main Title Theme Written by: Joss Whedon
Performed by: Sonny Rhodes

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...

Homophobia

I found this on another forum:

I am reposting this because this still happens around the world. Even though I'm straight I have good friends who are homosexual and I believe no matter what one feels about Homosexuality, no one should be treated sub-human.


I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire
a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother
because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach
gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened: read more)

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most,
love.

I am the woman that married and stayed married to a man. He raped me over and over again. So I cut on myself all of those years and now have many scars to show for it before finally leaving. I get visitations sometimes with my children, but not often enough, because they say lesbians are crazy. We cry for eachother almost daily.


Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong

Thoughts on One Aspect of Fundamentalist Christian Behavior

Many (keyword: many) Fundamentalist Christians would like to have other people's opinions silenced because they feel that an alternative opinion is a threat to their faith, and in church settings, their "authority" as well.

Most of these Fundamentalist Christians go into demonizing their oppponents in hopes of uniting "the flock" behind their cause. This often works within the group, but the rest of society usually sees the said Fundamentalist as a wack-job.

However, being called a wack-job often reinforces Fundamentalists' viewpoints because of their interpretation of one of Jesus' warnings (that Christians will be persecuted in the last days) to apply almost exculsively to their group, or their group and other radicals.

Cold! Finally!

Where I live, it actually became cold after a week of warm weather. I am not going to disclose my location on this blog (at least for now), but it's gorgeous outside! Our lowest humidity for today was 20% (very low for where I live), and the stars are so bright tonight!

I hope everyone is doing well, and hopefully we'll all have some less-violent weather soon, heh.

My Take On Christian Fundamentalism

Something I wrote in response to what someone observed about Christian Fundamentalism:

That's fundamentalism for you. Fundamentalism (of any kind) invades the mind and spreads like a cancer, and all that matters is proving one's point. Unfortunately, the mind is so clouded and closed up that any reaction at all from people only justifies it to themselves.

What I have seen in this thread saddens me because this sort of preaching (not only about homosexuality, but about anything else the deluded mindset drives the person to attack, or "warn" of) only drives people away from Jesus. It sickens me, and it saddens me.

I will have to applaud Space for raising his voice when I was too much of a chicken myself to do so. It is religious fundamentalism of any religion, Christian, Muslim, or whatever that paints the respective diety as a vindictive, manipulative, hateful God. I am not mocking here. I am saying this from my own experience in Fundamentalism and being in contact with others who have been abused by the perpetrators of Fundamentalism.

It hurts. It's abusive. And Fundamentalism is literally killing the spirits of people by spouting what it spout causes people to spout.

It almost makes me cry to think about what Fundamentalism does. It makes me so angry I want to do something that I should not, and so I am speaking up in this post.

I hate Fundamentalism. It's a disease. It infects and destroys. It kills, steals, and destroys souls.

I hope that one day Fundamentalists look at their belief system and think about what they are doing. When I thought about what I did in my turn in the system, my heart was wrenched. It still aches now.

There are people who are dealing with severe mental disorders from the abuse of Christian Fundamentalism. There are people so damaged that they have come to hate Christianity. It's sad, but it's another testament to Fundamentalism's damage.

Please read this, don't delete this immediately. I am saving a copy of this message.

I will also have to add that insecurity is one of the main fuels of Fundamentalism. I was unsure of my Fundamentalist faith, and in turn, I became even more of a Fundamentalist to cover for it.

Now, let's see if I can keep from breaking down in the face of rebukes by the other site this time.

Serenity!

This actually turned out to be a cool movie. Basically, it is based on the TV series, Firefly It's a show that follows the misadventures of a crooked crew led by a rugged captain with a Texan accent. It's a spaceship show with a western feel to it, although it does contain some Asian elements as well. Read about the movie for yourself:

Serenity Info From IMDB

And a quiz!

"The Shepherd"


Which Firefly character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blogthings Stuff

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

There's no one way to eat a Reases. (Stop that, sickos!)

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Shark Animal You Were in a Past Life: Polar Bear You have a strong character - you are an aggressive, ambitious, go-getter. You were born to lead.

The Animal Personality Test

I may not subscribe to the view of reincarnation, but this was fun anyway. Probably the easiest animal personality test I have ever taken.

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Yum!

Donation Options

The Salvation Army USA

The Red Cross

Bots And Hurricane Aftereffects

As someone else has addressed advertisements being added to the comments section, I will also mention that I have been finding advertisements in my comments as well. I still want people outside the Blogger network to be able to post, though, but I hope that the administration takes note of the ads.

Also, I am still getting over the cumulative stress of dealing with Hurricane Rita. The stress of watching the hurricane explode into a category five (the strongest type of hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson scale), going through my things and deciding what to take, getting my two cats drugged and put in their carriers, closing down the house, not sleeping in my own bed and worrying about many of the what ifs that one couse have in his mind, and other things those who have evacuated from a hurricane may understand. Thankfully, Hurricane Rita did not hit Houston head-on.

Even though I logically know that there are others who are worse off (such as those who lost everything in any given disaster and those who were in traffic for an insane number of hours), I am still extremely worn out from the whole thing. We arrived at our destination on Wednesday before noon, and we were back in Houston around eightish in the morning. I'm weak, tired, achy, unable at times to keep my balance, and generally disinterested in my classes. I'm depressed, irratible, agressive, and want to keep my IRL social interaction at a minimum. I have been staying off my messenger services because I am too tired mentally to keep up with someone else in a realtime chat. My psychiatrist told me that it would take a while to get over the exhaustion, and another psychiatrist on TV said that it could take three weeks to get over it. I have been less-than-Christian lately.

When I was in the town to which I evacuated, I went off on a Hellfire Fundamentalist on-line. I snapped at those who were trying to help me. While I must admit my actions were wrong, I still need to rest. I am considering staying out of internet socialization if I can help it for a couple of days.

Take care, everyone. I am sorry for the hurt I have caused.

I'm Home

I just got home. Everything is fine.

I just hope everyone else is doing okay. Send your prayers and good thoughts to those in East Texas, West Luisiana, and area hit by Hurricane Katrina.

Take care, everyone.

Transcript Of My Posts In The Shoutbox At LastStopHell.com

Yeah, I have internet access at my relatives' house, away from the possible danger zone. The posts go from most recent to oldest. I did this because there have been cases in which the administration at this site has deleted posts and shouts that contain material (which do not always include "obscenity," I have had a shout of mine deleted and it did not contain obscene material that I can remember) with which they do not agree. I also thought it would be alright to share this. If you're not into this sort of thing, by all means, skip this part. I can not say that I am perfect, and I have trouble holding on to my faith sometimes. This was really directed at some people who were trying to prove that the impending disaster was proof that we are in the End Times here and now (meaning, Jesus could return within the next 20 years and being almost certain of it).

21 09 2005 09:48:48
Shadow: Meaning, that things should not be lumped into End Time happenings until the disaster actually happens. The End Times will come sooner or later, the key is to keep the faith until then, and actually have faith when it happens.
21 09 2005 09:46:51
Shadow: I think people should wait until after the event has passed before proclaiming the closeness of the End Times. If people want to argue, they will argue whether it has not actually happened or even after the fact.
21 09 2005 09:31:06
Shadow: Latest From AccuWeather.com: [Please refer to the link below, I edited this for space purposes.]

[The link is no longer available.] Seriously, though, AccuWeather.com is saying that it might weaken significantly right after it hits land.

Everyone take care, now.

Hurricane Concerns

I may not be posting here from Wednesday through perhaps all of next week. Just wanted you to know in case you want to contact me during that time.

I hope everyone stays safe.

When Is It Enough?

I know that Christs' followers are supposed to "bear each other's burdens," but when is it time to realize one can not be of help any longer?

I have been conversing with this guy who possibly has borderline personality disorder for about three months now. He also has HOCD, OCD in which the sufferer is fearful that he/she might be gay. There is some good info on HOCD on the BrainPsychics website. Anyway...

It's very stressful, and it is like talking to a rebellious sixteen-year-old with the mind of a five year old (what I think a five-year-old is, anyway). This person is twenty years old. I know I probably should never have gotten into any sort of pen-pal relationship, but I can not leave it now. We're not romantically involved, though.

All I can do is to love the guy. I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist. I am only a junior in college. I have OCD myself. I just do not know what to say to this person. Lately, I have been more stern with him, but I am still fearful of possibly pushing him over the edge. My therapist tells me that if he kills himself, it's his choice, but a part of me says I would be responsible. I have nursed this person through suicidal thoughts three times. This person cuts himself. It's difficult, especially since he just about clings to me.

I feel guilty for wanting to walk away from him, but he always talks about how he is so alone, and that everyone treats him badly. I have been more stern with him to see if he would respond to that, but from what he says, he is going to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I do not know where he lives, and I do not want to get personally involved to the point I actually see him in person. He has talked about being violent, and I feel very uncomfortable chatting with him.

I'm not a psychiatrist. Is there one out there, or any other professional in the field of psychology? Two others from the field have told me that it would be okay to cut off communication if I had to, and I can not stay off a certain messaging service forever. A Christian response would be of great help, too.

More Quizzes

The Selectsmart site is really irritating even with Firefox, so I'm messing with Quizilla.


What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla


You are pretty much the coolest animal, a Liger.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

New Forum

A person who has been a great help to me in overcoming my Hellfire Fundamentalism has started a forum about fundamentalism. Here it is:

Beware the Scribes.Net Forum

Spikes

I have been sick lately, and this has been causing my OCD to spike a bit. While I can handle these spikes, sometimes they plough through anyway. I just have to work through it and gradually redirect my energies elswhere. I accept that I will have spikes. OCD is not cureable (unless there is a miracle), but it can be treated with therapy and medication. Other than that, I have to do my own work and get through the spikes without letting them get to me too much. I have been fortunate to have caught my OCD early on, but I can not imagine the pain others with much severe cases.

For all of you out there, keep going, and do not give up. Believe that you can make it. I know that I am not any of you, but as a sufferer of OCD, I know that it takes just about all of my energy to get through the hard times. It's scary. When I spike, it seems so real. So real, in fact, that the depression that stems from my anxiety puts me into a mental suicidal stupor. Thanks to treatment and hard work, I am able to realize that even in these dark times, there is always hope.

You can make it. There is always hope. Never forget that.

According to Tickle, I am Chewbacca!

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHR!

"No disrespect to your hair stylist, but you have more in common with Chewbacca the loyal Wookie than you might think. Like "Chewey," you are a powerful force to be reckoned with. Whether you are playing pick-up sports with friends or interviewing for a job, your competitive nature is virtually unbeatable (and more than a little intimidating). But you have a definite gentle side too — a part of you that is more bark than bite and even longs for a cuddle or two.

When it comes to friends, it's quality not quantity. And you're usually the first one on the scene when someone needs a little rescuing (emotional or otherwise). You have a simple sense of right and wrong, and when someone crosses the line, you let them know. You're the ideal righthand man/woman — strong, stable, and ultimately incorruptible."

The Classic Star Wars Test

OCD Sites to Visit, Theological Ramblings and a Summer Cold

First of all, I give my sincere condolences to those who have lost someone, their belongings, and/or went through Hurricane Katrina. I do not believe that God sent Hurricane Katrina. I believe it is simply a product of the climatic cycle of the year. My hope is that we pull together and give aid and comfort to one another as people recover.

The Hunger Site
FEMA, links to Charity Organizations
Network for Good
The third one has a section listing charities for animal rescues.

I know it would have been smart to post these OCD links sooner, but here are some anyway. I will post more as I come across other sites.

Obsessive Compulsive Foundation of Chicago
The Brainphysics Site
The Brainphysics Forum
A Personal Testimony about Scrupulosity

Just a note: I do not necessarily agree with everything on the sites to which I link on this blog. For one, I am losing belief in eternal torment. I have been getting the sense that eternal torment is not the case, and another person who says that he is a Christian (a person to which I owe much of my reovery from Hellfire Fundamentalism) recently said that he does not believe in it either, so that made me feel more comfortable with the idea. I do am still not sure about Universal Reconciliation, though. I am leaning toward annihlation, or just staying in a place separate from God without any tactile torment (however that could happen in the spiritual realm).

Even if the torment of the Lake of Fire is temporary, it is not a license to wallow in one's vices. I have this temptation, and I am working on it. Even if the punishment is just a purification process, I do not think any sane being would want to make his or her stay longer, given how intense the "fire" is said to be.

One idea I had floating around in my head was that since it is said that those in the Lake of Fire (at least those who have worshipped the Beast and his image) are tormented in the presence of Jesus, it is the fire of God that keeps it aflame. God is said to be "a consuming fire," and the experiences I have had with a force after talking to God, I think this may be put as God's prescense. What I sensed felt beautiful, and I felt wanted. At the same time, this force was painful, and I was afraid that I could be ripped apart if I let it get too close. Once, it did come close, and I was just about floored. It felt like spiritual fire being poured into my body, purifying my being.

Still, from other passages I read in the Bible, I am still not ready to totally throw Eternal Torment out the window. It's horribly shallow, but I just do not think I can do right unless there is a certain fear of God's wrath there. This could remain even if I believed in Universal Salvation (temporary punishment), but the difference between however long it takes to punish someone and eternity is a very large difference. An infinite difference, one could say.

I am also recovering from a summer cold, go me. I have read other testimonies in which people say that being sick makes OCD spike, and I have ascertained that this is the case for me as well.

School

I started school today. I had Lifespand Growth and Development and History of Rock and Jazz. Tomarrow, I have Principals of Sociology. On Monday, I have the sociology class and Introduction to Humanities.

I am actually glad about starting school again. I actually have a concrete purpose to my day, and I get to socialze and laugh it up with classmates.

I will be more busy, of course, so I may not update this blog as much.

Have a great day!

Normal of the Normal?

I'm a human!

Find out which Star Wars race you are!

Have fun! ;)

Quiz Time!

Almost everyone and their dogs are doing it, so decided to post a couple of test results myself.

Dark City
#1 Uncle Karl
#2 Walenski
#3 John Murdoch
#4 Dr. Daniel P. Schraber
#5 Inspector Frank Bumstead
#6 Emma Murdoch
#7 Mr. Hand
#8 Mr. Book

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
#1 Shu Lien Yu
#2 Li Mu Bai
#3 Jiao Long Yu
#4 Lo Xiao Hu
#5 Jade Fox

A Trigun Selector
#1 Vash the Stampede
#2 Meryl Stryfe
#3 Milly Thompson
#4 Kuroneko-sama
#5 Rem Saverem
#6 Legato Bluesummers
#7 Midvalley the Hornfreak
#8 Nicholas D. Wolfwood
#9 Millions Knives

Scrupulosity

Well, since this is my first entry, I may as well post about my mental disorder. I have OCD. Here is a couple of websites with some general information to clear things up:

The Brainpsychics Site

On Scrupulosity:
Christian with OCD

Here are some posts I made on a couple of board I frequent. I do not like to type everything out, so I am pasting the links to my posts here. I am Shadow on this board.

Testimony 1
Testimony 2

Even while getting over my Fundamentalism, I remain one who tries to do as Christ would. I hesitate to call myself a Christian many times because of my many imperfections. There have been times that I wanted to give up my faith, but I still hold on. Partially through fear of Hell, and partially for a growing love for God. I think there is more to Christianity than Bible-thumping, praying reptitative prayers, worrying about Hell all the time, and reading the Bible as one's main source of guidence. I think there is something deeper, and I have experienced something that I am frightened of because I may be destroyed, and at the same time, I revel in it and love it. I can not help but love this force back. The fear of the force is not from Hell when I experience this force, but that this force may destroy me because I am not used to this "love" (for lack of a better word). I do not agree with condemning people for their different beliefs or lack thereof. I enjoy talking to different people, even though the shell of the Fundamentalism still tries to cling on to my skin like dried paint. If someone has a question, I try to answer as well as I can, but I am still just learning.
Even though my episode with Fundamentalism lasted three months, it still left deep wounds. A slash of a knife may last an instant, but the scar can remain for a lifetime.

I am sorry for any pain I have caused people over the years, and especially pain I have caused in the past few months. My disorder is no excuse for bad behavior on my part. Be in peace, and worry no more.

On a lighter note, UFO Photography Tips and More (article link found on the Coast to Coast AM website):
UFO Fun

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!