Lonliness

I'm getting so lonely recently. I have a couple of friends with whom I can connect, but I would love to talk to someone with whom I can share my thoughts and beliefs comfortably and who will set me straight when needed. Even though I think the relationship between a believer and the Godhead is the most important thing, I think that believers still need other people during their weaker moments. Sometimes, people don't listen as well as they should. I believe that other people need to be there to figuratively (or maybe even literally) slap a believer upside the head and set him straight.

I am wary of churches and "Christian" forums. For one thing, many churches/forums seem like country clubs, and I do not want to be sucked in to a certain denomination or "party line." The contact I would like to have need not be in person, even though that would probably be better. I just want good quality contact and discussions every so often. I don't feel comfortable bearing my mind to the world on issues like this, but I just need to get this out. I'm not absolutely miserable or anything. I make do, but I just would like more contact.

To add to this, I wonder whether or not yearning for contact with other believers for spiritual discussion can be confused with yearning for a romantic partner. I believe that this has been happening to me. When I connect with someone spiritually, sometimes I have romantic feelings toward him. I suppose this is just the flesh getting in the way. I know that sometimes fellowships result in lasting romantic pairings at times, it's hard to have that when the person with whom one is fellowshipping is at least 1,000 miles away. While it is nice to have a romantic partner (which I do not have at this point), what I really think I need is good spiritual discussion with someone who has not been clouded by Fundamentalism or denomination.

The reason I am separating romance and spiritual connectivity apart is that romance seems to take over the situation with me. It clouds the situation, and I end up losing sight of what really matters. That is the truth as I see it.

With work, perhaps I will be better at keeping romantic feelings at bay. If, God willing, I run into someone with whom I can have both a spiritual and romantic connection, hopefully I will have been able to get my emotionality under control so that the idealistic feelings don't cloud my judgment.

Things Are Going to Get A Lot More Interesting Around Here

I started a class called Consciousness and Spirituality today. It is very interesting, and I am journaling about it in my spiral notebook. I will be typing these journal entries and posting them here. I have already written an entry, but I am too lazy at the moment to type it up and post it here (it's seven written pages, not front-and-back). These posts are going to be long, and involve the use of words such as "feeling," "sense," "energies," and other concepts that people who have at least a slight distaste for emotionalism and instinct being involved in spirituality may not enjoy. These will consist of what happened in class and what my professor said. I will also include my own insights and interpretations as well.

The required texts (not including readings from out-of-print books in the library) for this class: The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution by P.D. Ouspensky, Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness & the Essential Self by Kabir Edmund Helminski, and Making A Soul: Human Destiny and the Debt of Our Existence by J.G. Bennet. There will be concepts from spiritualities that predate Christianity as we know it, but Jesus basically espoused the same ideas that other contemporaries did. I just happen to believe that He is the Son of God and that He died as a sacrifice for my sins. There is no reason why I should not be able to bring in some concepts I learn and utilize them to have a better understanding of my individual spirituality. You may not know this, but in the Gospel of Mary Magdeline which was found among the collection of scrolls ascertained at Nag Hummadi, the author talks about individual development, just as Jesus did as I interpret the New Testament. I make the mistake of taking other people's interpretation as gospel (no pun intended) as opposed to taking the voice of God (not a collection of scrolls as we know as a book) as God's literal word.

I will mention the name of my professor with his permission. Until then, take care all, and God bless.