Memorial Day

I hope everyone in the United States is having a wonderful and meaningful Memorial Day, whatever your beliefs.

Whether or not you agree with the war, please take a moment to encourage the men and women who are in the military.

This is for the United States military:
Operation Dear Abby

For those of you outside the United States, here are some websites where you can send a message to your troops as well. I know that you do not celebrate Memorial Day, but since blogs and be read from all over the world, I do not think it would not be fair to only post links to send messages for your armed forces. Here are the sites that I could find:

For Canada:
Write to the Troops

For the UK:
Support Our Soldiers

For Germany:
Soldiers' Angels Germany: Send Messages to Ill and Injured Soliders

Institute For Psychological Heath

I heard an advertisement for this on the radio last night, and I decided to check it out. They are an organization that tries to help the community and professionals work together to create an environment where mental health can thrive.

Institute For Psychological Heath

Gospel of Judas

I just watched a little bit of the National Geographic special, "The Gospel of Judas."

I thought it was interesting. The document that they found was found to be an authentic document in that it was dated between 220-340 AD. The document they found was a copy, probably to preserve the gospel in case the original was destroyed.

Basically, the Gospel of Judas says that Judas was commanded by Jesus to betray him; at least that is what is conveyed in the documentary. Even if the account of Judas is true, Christians need not worry. Jesus still died and was resurrected according to the other gospels.

My sister put forth the idea that the fact that Jesus' crucifixion was not mentioned in the Gospel of Judas can possibly mean that Judas did not see the crucifixon because he was running for his life. Judas was probably worried, as he saw in a vision that he was being stoned by the other apostles.

As for Judas hanging himself, it is said in Acts 1:18 that Judas fell and his body burst, his insides (it says "bowels" in the KJV) fell out.

Even with the possibility that it is not true, it is still interesting to consider things that are different from what we are used to. Being that the Gospel of Judas has Gnostic elements that are highlighted by the documentary, I take it with a grain of salt. Even though I do not agree with a few of the Gnostic teachings, it is still interesting to consider what someone could draw from them, such as considering the body and the world a prison that keeps a person from reaching a higher spiritual level. I don't think many Christians can dispute that idea. We are imprisoned in an imperfect body, and the body is in conflict with the spirit.

All the information on the Gospel of Judas was taken from the documentary and National Geographic's website.

National Geographic Presents the Gospel of Judas

New Link!

LeavingFundamentalism.Org

The "author" of this webpage is still a Christian, but he seems open to those who are exploring other beliefs.

They have a forum, too!

Medication Continued

I finally saw the psychiatrist today. She asked me how I was without the medication, and I told her. She told me that since Zoloft is not addictive, it's most likely not withdrawal--going from 100mg to 0mg (having the outide help and suddenly not having it) was a shock.

She has put me on 100mg of Zoloft for the next six months. After this period of time, she will talk to me about possibly taking me down to 75mg.

Meds--Long Post

I saw the therapist today, and I was reminded that I still have a stigma attached to taking medication. It was my therapist who made me realize this.

I have been off my Zoloft (100 mg) for a couple of weeks because I did not make a refill appointment with my psychiatrist soon enough, and I ran out of refills. The past two weeks have made me realize that I still probably need 100mg of Zoloft just as much as I needed it this past summer. The psychiatrist may have other ideas, though, and that’s fine.

For the past couple of weeks while not on the medication, I have been increasingly paranoid, timid, irritable, assuming the worst of people’s intentions, seeing other human beings as being inferior, having violent thoughts, having exaggerated aggressive feelings, being disgusted with the bodily functions of others (besides the obvious that come to mind), blaming those who I have lent support for my lack of mental/emotional energy, and being frustrated with other people. Basically, I feel like was I was back in high school.

Now, I know not having my medication is no excuse for these behaviors. Some of you reading this may have caught fallout from this, and I am sorry if you are one of those people. The main point of this entry is that I am upset by the thought that I actually need medication to act like a decent human being. I know these symptoms are probably from withdrawal, but I am still disappointed that I am not strong enough on my own to make myself be decent. I tried to be decent and not have horrible thoughts, but I gave up trying. It was too hard. I know there really is not any excuse for this, but too much has been going on, and without my medication, I am having trouble caring at all.

It’s hard for me to just chalk it up to being chemically imbalanced because I feel like I am excusing my behavior. It’s also very hard for me to not throw blame at God, even if for just a moment before further reflection. I wonder why I was born this way, I wonder why God “made me” this way, and I become angry. It’s not fair to do that, though. What helps is to remember that (at least in my opinion) all the crap that is out there is a result of the fall, and all of Adam’s descendents are unfortunate recipients of a biological set of cards that will serve them for better or worse. It’s not God’s fault, and I had to remind myself of this.

I guess I don’t want to think that I am still a sinful being. I want to believe that I am past that when I am really not. I guess you can say it is something that could be a humbling experience if received, but damn, it’s hard.

My therapist told me something that really helped. Paraphrased, she told me that a person’s nervous system is no different from the heart, and since needing a pacemaker does not make someone a bad person, needing medication to keep the nervous system (which includes the brain) in balance does not make someone a bad person either. I just hate the thought of weakness in myself.

Also, when I am on the medication, I appreciate it because it helps. However, I did not allow myself to recognise my own stigmas against taking medication, and a part of me is still ashamed of it.

Edited at 6:57 PM on 2/25/06

Beware the Scribes.Net

An aquaintence's webpage, Beware the Scribes.Net, has been revamped. Take a look!

Homepage
Forum

Beware the Scribes is a place where everyone is welcome to discuss Fundamentalism, politics, spirituality, philosophy, religion, or anything else you think is of merit for posting. You can submit articles after you have signed up on the homepage. Signing up on the forums is encouraged, especially if you have registered on the main page.

Be courteous, and we will be courteous.

A Scrupulosity Blog!

SCRUPULOSITY

I'm glad to see others who are open with this.

LSH

Well, I have decided to take a hiatus from LastStopHell yet again. This time, it is official. I'm getting out of there for good.

LastStopHell is an imflammatory Hellfire Fundamentalist website. Don't even go there if you are sensitive or easily triggered, or have an obsessive (and perhaps compulsive) mindset. I used to go there as a follower of Hellfire Fundamentalism, but a year later, I can't stand to see the garbage that goes on. I have been going there to counter the Fundamentalists there, but to no avail. Nothing many people say can steer the Fundamentalists from their thinking.

The moderaters regularly delete and edit posts that contain remarks which with they do not agree (even with remarks from people with a different brand of Christianity than their own), and they have recently lied and slandered a non-Christian moderator and stripped him of his power. It's basically a virtual Fundamentalist church.

It's a Christian site, and yes, they technically have the right to run their website however they wish, but it turns more people away from Christianity. If there is a Satanic website, it's this place.

I'm not posting the URL. Having this problem myself, I know others may be tempted to go look after being warned of its offensive material.

Book of Daniel

I have heard that many people in the "Christian" community have gotten up in arms about this show. Some NBC affiliates have decided not to air the show because of complains from so-called Christians. Here is the official website.

Emmy nominee Aidan Quinn (“An Early Frost,” “Plainsong,” “Legends of the Fall”) stars as Reverend Daniel Webster, an unconventional Episcopalian minister who not only believes in Jesus - he actually sees him and discusses life with him. Webster is challenged on many levels as he struggles to be a good husband, father and minister, while trying to control a nagging addiction to prescription painkillers, and an often rocky relationship with the church hierarchy, led by Bishop Beatrice Congreve (Oscar winner Ellen Burstyn, “Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore,” “Requiem of a Dream”), Roger Paxton, a senior warden of the parish and stalwart churchgoer (Dylan Baker, “Kinsey,” “Happiness”).

The reverend also has loving, but challenging relationships with his three children: Peter (Christian Campbell, “Trick”), his 23-year-old gay son, who struggles with the loss of his twin brother; Grace (Alison Pill, “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”), his 16-year-old daughter who doesn't try to push her father's buttons but succeeds at it nonetheless; and Adam (Ivan Shaw, “All My Children”), his 16-year-old adopted Chinese son, a handsome and cocky high school jock with a wicked sense of humor. Keeping Webster grounded is his strong and loving wife Judith (Susanna Thompson, “Now and Again”), who is fighting her own fondness for mid-day martinis, as well as Jesus (Garret Dillahunt, “Deadwood”), whose frequent chats with Daniel serve to remind him of his strengths and weaknesses.

Appearantly, the fact that the minister has a gay son and the slew of other problems being dealt with my the minister bothers the happy-go-lucky reality of mainstream Christians.

The fact is that in this story, the guy actually has a relationship with Jesus. This pretty much confirms that the minister is still His and still part of the "church," as Jesus would say. The minister is also dealing with real-life issues--something, appearantly, True Christians (TM) are not supposed to be bothered with.

I was listening to the Glenn Beck Program this morning, and a fill-in was hosting the show. The host made a good point about how arrogant some Christians are to think that an NBC affiliate should not show a program so that no one sees it. I find this unfair, because from what I have heard from the previews, it shows a more realistic side to "Christian life" as it were, as opposed to the pat TBN storylines in which the son turns straight, the minister gets back in line with his institution, and everything is resolved a two-hour movie.

I think the problem is that the faith of some is so fickle that they can not handle anything that challenges their simplistic world view. As powerful and outspoken as these Fundamentalists may be, their faith shatters at the touch of reality. Allowing challenging things in the public eye weakens their cause even more--hence the reason simply "tuning out" is not enough for Fundamentalists.

More Scrupulosity Links

Scrupulosity Wikipedia Article
The fact that the use of Wikipedia slips my mind never ceases to amaze me.

HealthyPlace.com's Article on Scrupulosity

OCD Board

I have removed the link to the OCD message board because a Fundamentalist showed up there and posted some remarks that could have caused people to be triggered. I suspect he may have gone through my blog, but even if he did not, I am removing the link out for the safety of the people on the board.

The Holidays were pretty stressful and my scrupulosity spiked a bit, but now that Christmas is over with I can relax, finally.

Here is the lyrics to the Firefly Theme Song, also known as the Ballad of Serenity. It was inspiring to me today to keep going and keep up the fight against Fundamentalism and my OCD.

Main Title Theme Written by: Joss Whedon
Performed by: Sonny Rhodes

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...

Homophobia

I found this on another forum:

I am reposting this because this still happens around the world. Even though I'm straight I have good friends who are homosexual and I believe no matter what one feels about Homosexuality, no one should be treated sub-human.


I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire
a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother
because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach
gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened: read more)

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most,
love.

I am the woman that married and stayed married to a man. He raped me over and over again. So I cut on myself all of those years and now have many scars to show for it before finally leaving. I get visitations sometimes with my children, but not often enough, because they say lesbians are crazy. We cry for eachother almost daily.


Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong

Thoughts on One Aspect of Fundamentalist Christian Behavior

Many (keyword: many) Fundamentalist Christians would like to have other people's opinions silenced because they feel that an alternative opinion is a threat to their faith, and in church settings, their "authority" as well.

Most of these Fundamentalist Christians go into demonizing their oppponents in hopes of uniting "the flock" behind their cause. This often works within the group, but the rest of society usually sees the said Fundamentalist as a wack-job.

However, being called a wack-job often reinforces Fundamentalists' viewpoints because of their interpretation of one of Jesus' warnings (that Christians will be persecuted in the last days) to apply almost exculsively to their group, or their group and other radicals.

Cold! Finally!

Where I live, it actually became cold after a week of warm weather. I am not going to disclose my location on this blog (at least for now), but it's gorgeous outside! Our lowest humidity for today was 20% (very low for where I live), and the stars are so bright tonight!

I hope everyone is doing well, and hopefully we'll all have some less-violent weather soon, heh.

My Take On Christian Fundamentalism

Something I wrote in response to what someone observed about Christian Fundamentalism:

That's fundamentalism for you. Fundamentalism (of any kind) invades the mind and spreads like a cancer, and all that matters is proving one's point. Unfortunately, the mind is so clouded and closed up that any reaction at all from people only justifies it to themselves.

What I have seen in this thread saddens me because this sort of preaching (not only about homosexuality, but about anything else the deluded mindset drives the person to attack, or "warn" of) only drives people away from Jesus. It sickens me, and it saddens me.

I will have to applaud Space for raising his voice when I was too much of a chicken myself to do so. It is religious fundamentalism of any religion, Christian, Muslim, or whatever that paints the respective diety as a vindictive, manipulative, hateful God. I am not mocking here. I am saying this from my own experience in Fundamentalism and being in contact with others who have been abused by the perpetrators of Fundamentalism.

It hurts. It's abusive. And Fundamentalism is literally killing the spirits of people by spouting what it spout causes people to spout.

It almost makes me cry to think about what Fundamentalism does. It makes me so angry I want to do something that I should not, and so I am speaking up in this post.

I hate Fundamentalism. It's a disease. It infects and destroys. It kills, steals, and destroys souls.

I hope that one day Fundamentalists look at their belief system and think about what they are doing. When I thought about what I did in my turn in the system, my heart was wrenched. It still aches now.

There are people who are dealing with severe mental disorders from the abuse of Christian Fundamentalism. There are people so damaged that they have come to hate Christianity. It's sad, but it's another testament to Fundamentalism's damage.

Please read this, don't delete this immediately. I am saving a copy of this message.

I will also have to add that insecurity is one of the main fuels of Fundamentalism. I was unsure of my Fundamentalist faith, and in turn, I became even more of a Fundamentalist to cover for it.

Now, let's see if I can keep from breaking down in the face of rebukes by the other site this time.

Serenity!

This actually turned out to be a cool movie. Basically, it is based on the TV series, Firefly It's a show that follows the misadventures of a crooked crew led by a rugged captain with a Texan accent. It's a spaceship show with a western feel to it, although it does contain some Asian elements as well. Read about the movie for yourself:

Serenity Info From IMDB

And a quiz!

"The Shepherd"


Which Firefly character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blogthings Stuff

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

There's no one way to eat a Reases. (Stop that, sickos!)

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Shark Animal You Were in a Past Life: Polar Bear You have a strong character - you are an aggressive, ambitious, go-getter. You were born to lead.

The Animal Personality Test

I may not subscribe to the view of reincarnation, but this was fun anyway. Probably the easiest animal personality test I have ever taken.

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Yum!

Donation Options

The Salvation Army USA

The Red Cross

Bots And Hurricane Aftereffects

As someone else has addressed advertisements being added to the comments section, I will also mention that I have been finding advertisements in my comments as well. I still want people outside the Blogger network to be able to post, though, but I hope that the administration takes note of the ads.

Also, I am still getting over the cumulative stress of dealing with Hurricane Rita. The stress of watching the hurricane explode into a category five (the strongest type of hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson scale), going through my things and deciding what to take, getting my two cats drugged and put in their carriers, closing down the house, not sleeping in my own bed and worrying about many of the what ifs that one couse have in his mind, and other things those who have evacuated from a hurricane may understand. Thankfully, Hurricane Rita did not hit Houston head-on.

Even though I logically know that there are others who are worse off (such as those who lost everything in any given disaster and those who were in traffic for an insane number of hours), I am still extremely worn out from the whole thing. We arrived at our destination on Wednesday before noon, and we were back in Houston around eightish in the morning. I'm weak, tired, achy, unable at times to keep my balance, and generally disinterested in my classes. I'm depressed, irratible, agressive, and want to keep my IRL social interaction at a minimum. I have been staying off my messenger services because I am too tired mentally to keep up with someone else in a realtime chat. My psychiatrist told me that it would take a while to get over the exhaustion, and another psychiatrist on TV said that it could take three weeks to get over it. I have been less-than-Christian lately.

When I was in the town to which I evacuated, I went off on a Hellfire Fundamentalist on-line. I snapped at those who were trying to help me. While I must admit my actions were wrong, I still need to rest. I am considering staying out of internet socialization if I can help it for a couple of days.

Take care, everyone. I am sorry for the hurt I have caused.