Shadows of the Mind

Pat Roberson on the Haiti Earthquake

2010-01-13T18:32:00.001-06:00

Watch the madness here.

Thanks for making the rest of us look insane, buddy.

Fun Fundies

2009-12-27T00:42:00.005-06:00

Hello, Internets.

Our friends who brought us "God Hates Fags" are at it again, this time attacking Lady Gaga. I guess they haven't had enough air time lately. Here is the poster. I don't recommend looking at it while eating.

Mr. L, a wonderful person on a forum that I currently frequent (when I have time between graduate school responsibilities) wrote the response below. It is long, but I think it sums up my feelings about this.

The careless ignorant misuse of the Bible by these possessed of a spirit of arrogant legalism lends itself to the worst of the worst in self-righteousness and unauthorized, self-appointed condemnation of human beings. These kind have a dangerous assurance that their knowledge of some scripture licenses them to aggressively lock, load and aim it at whomever they deem to be unworthy then firing it as an assault weapon, grants them immunity from their own foul-smelling stench ascending into the nostrils of God.

The Bible has become a hotly despised object of ridicule and scorn largely through this kind of unskilled, unqualified knuckleknobbery advancing itself in the world. One of my favorite non-scriptural quotes is, "the trouble with ignorance is that it picks up confidence as it goes along". How true that is in this situation. Groups of individuals convinced they are performing a vital service to God by selecting their favorite "sinners" and condemning them to death in His Name. The most grievous part of this to me is that the same Bible they use as a death-sentencing tool against their targeted segments of society, is the very same Bible that I utterly rely upon for my spiritual life, enlightenment and sustinence.

When I was about 12, I knew way down deep inside of myself there was something quite wrong and missing in my life. Being a preacher’s kid, I went to the "Good Book" that I was raised upon to receive any kind of guidance. Other than finding so-and-so begat so-and-so kinds of scriptures, I ran into the Old Testament’s harsh pronouncements of God’s judgments over nations who defied and fought against Him (not unlike the kind of scriptures shown in the hate flyer distributed by Westboro). It terrified me! I was not finding guidance or comfort but rather condemnation and hopelessness because I thought those scriptures were talking to me personally. I came away believing that God was irretrievably angry with me, a 12-year-old kid who really hadn’t lived long enough to piss Him off that badly! My emptiness and despair multiplied greatly after those attempts at reaching out for answers and they followed me through my crucial and formative teen-age growing up years.

Having this fixed image of a God of wrath abiding within my heart for the next 7+ years, I felt that I was on spiritual death row just waiting to be executed at God’s predesignated date and time. The Westboro bunch would’ve been proud of how submissive I was to accept my punishment from God since I didn’t have a single legitimate argument as to why He shouldn’t wipe me off the map. This dreaded existence that had sucked all initiative from my life suddenly dissolved in an instant upon my hearing the Good News (FROM THE SAME BIBLE!!!) of my acquittal from any and all offenses toward God through no right actions or behavioral modifications of my own. The knowledge of the gift of God’s abundant Grace was brought to my conscience and I was forever changed through the acceptance of His Son’s single sacrifice and that began to affect and influence my actions and behavior but again, only AFTER my heart’s comprehension of this Grace.

Wisdom has taught me that without the revelation of the Good News of Grace, the Bible can kill a person through harsh, razor-sharp legalism. This is how I believe hateful judgmentalism is born or at least incubated amongst so-called "Christian" groups. They cite "God’s Word" for their justification of condemning individuals to hell. My challenge is this from their same Bible:

"While we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly". If God is so all-fired hyped up about killing sinners, it seems He wasted a perfectly good Son to die on their behalf, as their substitute.

"For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment".

"Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another?"

As an aside, I’m pretty sure it’s not referring to Pearl Forrester as being the Lawgiver in this particular instance.

The God I’ve come to know and love has an entirely different Spirit than the cruel representation of Him made on that flyer. I can think of no greater contrast between the two attitudes of the heart than from the scripture itself where it speaks of legalists possessed of the same kind of spirit as the Westboro group, and how they responded to a man named Stephen who was full of faith and under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

These legalists fancied themselves as God’s appointed leaders over the people. Stephen, described as a man "full of faith" and filled with the Spirit of God, as a skillful surgeon cut deeply into the legalists false doctrine so much so that they could no longer bear up under the verbal stripping away of their facade before the masses and being cut to the heart, they gnashed upon him with their teeth. After exclaiming that he was seeing the heavens opened and the Son of Man (Christ) standing at God’s right hand, they stopped their ears with their fingers and rushed Stephen to stone him to death. As the stones began to penetrate, beating out his life, Stephen fell to his knees begging God not to charge his murder to their account. He wasn’t begging help for himself, nor was he demading justice or judgment to fall upon them. He was pleading mercy for the hateful, merciless legalists. That sounds a lot like Christ when He was up on the cross appealing to God to forgive those responsible for crucifying Him, reminding God that "they know not what they do", even though in their mind, they were confidently convinced they DID know what they were doing.

So, who are WE to judge?

In most of the online arguments I read from non-believers, one of their biggest gripes goes something like, "I thought Jesus taught people not to judge other people". They have a good case here. Through a little study of the original word, "judge", I discovered it means to "condemn or pronounce sentencing over". I marvel at the self-appointed judges (may I say here that I find that folks owning this kind of spirit aren’t necessarily exclusively Christians, believers or church-goers) who have the audacity to wholly involve their focus upon another’s manner of life as if they themselves have no fault or error to deal with in their own life. So, from what I ascertain, we are not to ever allow our heart to exalt itself into a position of condemning or pronouncing sentencing over other individuals–EVER!

Does this mean that believers are to be devoid of any capacity to judge matters and to be absolutely enslaved or subject to whatever their neighbor, local government or nation declares to be right and wrong? Scripturally, believers are to be shining examples of those who are submitted to the laws of the land, those dispossessed of any penchant toward a rebellious spirit of hatred and defiance toward legitimate authority. But, there are increasing instances where the laws of the land are willfully separating from God’s influence and going crosswise of His declarations of right and wrong, thus placing believers in a position of having to judge matters for their own individual lives. This is not the kind of judgment of condemnation or pronouncing sentencing over others but rather the judgment of determining and discerning for their own lives what course of action to take. In cases like this, I believe judgment is imperative, in fact irresponsible if not regarded.

There is an instance of intentional civil disobedience demonstrated by Peter, an esteemed leader of the early church. It did not involve an attitude of defiance or angry rebellion but it resulted in disobedience to local authority nonetheless. Back then, the early church was very much alive, flourishing in grace and faith with miracles being commonplace in the days before legalism and unbelief overtook it reducing its stature to a current state of intellectualism and dead works driven by rules and regulations and spiritual weakness that pervades today.

Peter was involved in the manifestation of a notable a miracle upon a long-time, local resident in the community, crippled from birth. The man’s total physical restoration caused no small stir amongst the people. The religiously driven local government got nervous and commanded Peter and his band of renegades to stop preaching Christ and to cease performing miracles. Without malice, yet forthright, Peter replied, "Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you more than to God, you judge. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard".

I find it refreshingly different that back then, the Church was in trouble with the authorities for demonstrating an unmistakably superior power to anything this world or earth had ever known. It wasn’t the spiritually empty and hateful Westboro-ian legalism attacking homosexuals, entertainers etc. It was the Church operating under the power and authority of God, reaching out to mankind with God’s goodness, love and grace. The reason the existing authority was in an uproar is that thousands were daily connecting with this electrifying power, joyfully leaving behind the existing organized deadness of religion, this phenomena threatening the jobs of those who ruled with a rigid, iron fist.

So, it is this blogger’s opinion that no one has condemnation or pronouncement of judgment rights over another aka sweep your own back porch! However, I still believe that believers have a right and responsibility to pursue the Grace of God and obey His Love wherever possible with or without the approval of the religious, non-religious or governmental entities.

Truthfully, every day there are many words, beliefs and attitudes that flow freely from the hearts, minds and mouths of people I dearly love that my own conscience and heart diametrically opposes but at the end of the day, my measure of rule ends at the borders of my own heart, mind and conscience. I listen to others and if my heart bears witness, I happily toss it into the mix. If I get an inner red flag, I don’t take that as an automatic carte blanche to judgmentally attack someone with whom I disagree. The red flag is for me to judge what I am supposed to do or not do for me not them. The exceptions to this are if someone innocent is being harmed. I tend to run to an underdog’s defense in a heartbeat. Janis is worse than me. She got fatigue jammies for Christmas which serves as a reminder that you don’t want any of her if you plan on picking on someone unable to defend themselves whom she determines is being treated unfairly. *Shudders*.

Amen, Brother L.

Christmas Greetings

2008-12-24T00:05:00.000-06:00

I wish everyone a healthy, happy, blessed Christmas and a happy new year!

Even if you don't have money, you can give your time. Simply being there for someone to show support makes a difference.

Merry Christmas!

Don't Panic!

2008-11-23T01:57:00.001-06:00

It's still Shadowkor (Shadow, Redkor, weaver2003), here. I am using Redkora from now on because this is the name I am using in most places now.

The Day After

2008-11-05T21:57:00.002-06:00

I have been hearing that many people are worried now that Obama is going to be our president come January of 2009. I didn't vote for Obama, but I wish him the best and I hope he makes the economy better, protects us, and uses his executive power fairly. I am proud of my country for making history, even though I disagree with him more than I agree.

Worriers, Obama is not a king. He's a president, and if you don't like the policies he puts forth, you can raise hell with your representative or senator. Also, the Supreme Court can always say that something is unconstitutional when they judge as such.

You also have power in your own state, regardless of who is president. If you're a liberal, conservative, somewhere in between, or consider yourself totally off the map, you can vote in local elections and state elections if you want to make your voice heard. States have their own power, too.

I would like to add that as President, Obama is privy to information that we may never hear. He has already been briefed on at least some of the confidential information presidents have to hear. Obama is no longer going to run a campaign--he is going to have to lead, and things may be much worse out there than we realize. He may have to make some adjustments to his original plans in order to do what he thinks is best, whether that be going further to the left or going towards the middle.

I believe that if you pray in any way, just pray that Obama does the right thing with his power, whatever that may be. Pray for him and his family, and all the senators, representatives, and judges at every level of government. You don't have to agree with those in political offices, but understand a great deal of responsibility rests on their shoulders.

Besides, if you really don't like a politician, you can always cast a vote to vote them out. I seriously doubt that we'll ever lose that right.

Congratulations

2008-11-04T22:48:00.001-06:00

Congratulations to Obama and his supporters. Hopefully he'll serve the country well.

I mean that in all sincerity, too. :)

Bob Larson to Go on Sci-Fi

2008-10-29T21:56:00.003-05:00

If you do not know who Bob Larso n is, he is an alleged "deliverance minister." If you translate this from Televangelist to English, Bob Larson claims to be an exorcist. A show documenting his brand of exorcism is going to be aired on the Sci-Fi channel on Thursday, October 30, at 7:00 PM Eastern time. He often claims that everyone, even Christians, are in need of the "deliverance" he provides.

Here is a clip of one of Bob Larson's exorcisms, courtesy of National Geographic.

Many whistle-blowers and other Christians, however, see fraud in Larson's acts. I encourage my readers to read the links below and their Bibles and to come to their own conclusions. Myself, I am suspicious of Larson's intentions because he wants so much money for performing these exorcisms. Jesus said to do these things without payment. As far as I can tell, Larson's acts are just more examples of televangelist dog and pony shows.

Cornerstone Magazine's Expose on Bob Larson
Apostasy Watch's Bob Larson Article
Shy David's Bob Larson Page
On Doctrine's Bob Larson Page
An Article Arguing that Christians Can Not Be Possessed
Apologetics Index Article About Bob Larson
Morning Star Glory's Bob Larson Article

Here is a link to a pastor's Youtube channel with humorous and heartbreaking Bob Larson exposure videos (mind out of the gutter, kids). This pastor calls himself the Paranormal Preacher, and I have not done enough research on this person to endorse or argue against this person. Make your own decision.

Ike's Passing

2008-09-29T15:38:00.001-05:00

Hurricane Ike was a Category 2 Storm, but it had a storm surge approaching that of a Category 4. Even though a little more than two weeks have passed since it made landfall, the effects are still there. Many traffic lights are still blinking red lights, some traffic lights are still not attached at all. Everyone I know suffered at least some damage to their house, and one of them lost his house completely. While the cities are cleaning up the piles of debris, there are still piles of branches, roofing, and fencing piled here and there by the side of many roads.

In Galveston, Bolivar Peninsula, and other places directly on the Gulf of Mexico, those whose houses have survived have mold, and thousands of people have to throw away almost everything they have. Raw sewage can be found in swimming pools and ditches, and animals are running loose. Disease is a huge concern.

Many people stayed behind because it was too late for them to get out because the city did not order an evacuation soon enough (thus making it legal for businesses to keep people at work). Others remember the evacuations ahead of Hurricane Rita and refused to leave. Many of those who stayed behind on Galveston Island and Bolivar Peninsula are either dead or missing, but there are many survivors.

Houston and the surrounding areas showed a great deal of cooperation and generosity, and citizens donated and volunteered by the thousands at hospitals, shelters, and points of distribution (PODs). If one thing can be taken from this crisis, it is that the citizens of Houston, its surrounding areas, and places across the US showed a tremendous level of generosity.

There are still people who are in need, though. You can help by donating money or time to the following organizations.

Gulf Coast Ike Relief Fund
Mayor Bill White has announced that a relief fund has been set up by the city of Houston. Donations in the form of checks can be mailed to:
Houston Ike Relief Fund
4550 Post Oak Place Ste 100
Houston, TX 77027

Red Cross:
Galveston County Red Cross Unit
Houston Area Red Cross
American Red Cross

Bush Clinton Coastal Recovery Fund

Houston Area Salvation Army

Houston Food Bank

God bless, and take care.

Hurricane Ike

2008-09-15T19:48:00.001-05:00

My home and family are okay. I hope God blesses those who are less fortunate.

I'm back in southeast Texas and I am fine.

Take care, all, and God bless.

AntiSpore.com

2008-09-09T20:04:00.002-05:00

Here we go again...

Radical Christians have targeted games for being evil in the past. First, it was Dungeons and Dragons, and then it was Pokemon. Now, it's Spore. (Readers: Correct me if I forgot a game or toy that was attacked by a radical Christian group, for no other comes to mind now.)

When God created us, he could have very well done it over centuries of fine-tuning. Personally, I appreciate God's creation more if I think that God took all the time to create the animals that currently reside on our planet. By the way, if you ever consider using the Bible to back itself up, you should know that it is not the way to go in trying to convince people of one's beliefs.

This blog is new, but it is already showing how ridiculous it is. The blog takes screen shots of player-made creatures out of context and tries to make it seem as if full-frontal nudity exists in the game itself--as if that's going to prove that the theory of evolution is a lie out of Hell.

Also, as a professor of mine said to me, intelligent design is a first cause theory, whereas evolution only deals with how species develop.

Here is something I posted on the HookedOnSpore user blog not too long ago:

As a Christian, I often run into other Christians who are totally against the theory of evolution. You know the type.

Also, it could be that the creator finally put a soul into a the body once it was capable of higher intelligence.

Honestly, I do not see the problem with a Christian, Jew, Muslim, or any person of any other religion being open to the idea of evolution. I will give my own reasons for being open to evolution from the standpoint of a Christian, Jew, or Muslim, since the three religions include the Old Testament in their holy writings, and I am simply more familiar with the Old Testament.

For instance, the Book of Genesis states that the “world” was created in seven “days.” Remember that the people for whom these stories were told were most likely passed down orally. By the time the story reached parchment or papyrus, the story was probably changed. Also remember that the stories were probably written soon after the tribes of Israel settled down from being nomadic.

Not that they were stupid. People at this time did not have the language to accurately describe epochs of development that the universe took to form. Also, remember that if you believe in a higher being that created the space-time continuum, he probably exists outside of time and space to be able to form the universe, so the time span of “days” could mean months, years, centuries, millenniums…even epochs.

Whether or not you abscribe to a religion or are open to evolution is up to you, but I just want to show my justifications and thoughts on being spiritual and being open to scientific theories.

Speaking for myself, I really don't know the mechanics behind the creation itself, but thinking of the complexity of it all and the time God put into creating the universe makes me appreciate it more.

Click here for the fun.

On Willy Wright's Spore

2008-08-15T15:21:00.002-05:00

There is a new game called Spore that will be shipped on September 7th. The game allows the player to guide the evolution of a species from primordial ooze to interstellar travel. Of course, there are going to be people who don't like it for the evolution part.

Personally, I think it's silly to get up in arms over the theory of evolution. It's a theory, and something could always come along and start the course of the theory's revision or rejection. I personally don't think evolution goes against having some intelligent designer behind it.

The game's popularity may start the whole "OMG should evolution be taught in school?!?!!1!1!!" debate, and this is where I stand: evolution is a scientific theory, and can be taught in science class. It is also not a first cause theory, as it only covers the evolution of organisms. Intelligent design by the way people take it implies a being much more powerful than ourselves. Since people assume that this being is a deity, the idea fits nicely in a world beliefs class--unless you think that super-duper powerful aliens genetically modified humans to be what they are. In that case, this page may be more suitable for your needs.

Oh, yes, I am going to play Spore when I get it. It's going to be hard waiting to get to play it on non-coursework days.

How Much Better is "Better?"

2008-05-28T22:22:00.003-05:00

In a few of my blog posts, I said that I am "better." Well, I'm better in that I don't get anxiety attacks and that I don't do many outward compulsions anymore, but I am still struggling. It is still bad enough that the impulsive thoughts come up when it can be linked to possibly blashpeming a part of the Trinity in some way. I'm getting the thoughts as I type this post.

I just felt led to be more honest. Truthfully, I'm afraid of reading the Bible. I get triggered. I know that this is a poor excuse to avoid it, and that the more I avoid it, the worse the scrupulosity will be, but I'm still terrified that I might find that I am permenantly doomed to the Lake of Fire. I tried to accept Universal Salvation, but I am terribly doubtful of it. When people say, "Well, those verses were mistranslated!" or "Jesus actually mean this," I can't help but think that any Joe Schmoe can say whatever the heck they want to say about the scriptures. I'm even doubtful of the eventual annihlation of the damned. It's almost back to square one with Eternal Torment again. There's a reason OCD is sometimes called "the doubting disease."

What is really bad is that I've backslidden. So, I'm backslidden, I worry, I try to be better, I still worry...no, OCD isn't a logical mode of thought. No, it isn't easy to just "snap out of it," either.

The worst part about all of this is that I don't have many human supporters who know what it's like. I know God is supposed to be enough, but I need other people, and I feel terrible about it. I'm thinking about picking up a book called Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?: A Psychiatrist Explores the Role of Faith in Treatment by Ian Osborn that a reader suggested. It's supposed to be helpful.

Take care, all, and God bless.

ABC News Article on Scrupulosity, a Form of OCD

2008-04-04T19:13:00.004-05:00

I'm just going to post it here and let it you, the reader, make your own decision.

Please be aware that Scrupulosity manifests in difference ways in different people. If you want to find posts about my own problems with scrupulosity, look in my earliest posts.

I have too much of a headache to say anything else right now.

Also note that I have nothing against prayer or belief in God. I have faith myself, but I think there is a point at which the rituals and beliefs can become pathological and turn into compulsions and obsessions.

This Blog

2008-02-02T22:21:00.000-06:00

I have been struggling with being honest with myself and with my faith, and I have finally been honest with myself on the making of this blog. I feel that this blog is a waste of Internet space. It concerns my own thoughts and revelations that may only apply to me, and may be irrelevant to anyone else. I also think that this blog is rather ego-centered rather than Christ-centered. I think I started out trying to be a teacher or to have some huge impact on people before I really knew what I was doing. I'm not giving up my faith, but I am considering closing this blog down for good. I have so much going on at school and other things I want to do, and the "fight" against Fundamentalism seems fruitless. Those who don't like Fundamentalism can see what's wrong with it, and those who are entangled in it are not going to suddenly come out of it upon coming across a website. The way I got out of Fundamentalism because people on a casual, personal basis were directly challenging my thoughts. I also think that this blog gives me an excuse to shy away from talking directly people when I should.

I think the only thing left to do is to pray and talk to people who want answers. If people don't want to hear of it or only want to condemn, then there is nothing left to do but pray and leave it to God.

I am going to keep this blog up for the time being until I am moved to do something else with it, whether it be closing it down or turning it into something useful.

God's Gifts in the Age of Science

2008-01-15T23:20:00.000-06:00

Happy New Year!

I was reading Holly's story about the "Heathen Hippy Child" on her blog and was edified in thinking about spiritual things. I was thinking about how God prepares gifts for us to be recieved at just the right times when we need them, and I looked at my desktop wallpaper. On my desktop, I have a Hubble image of thousands of tiny galaxies. I was gazing at this picture and thinking about Creation, and I thought about all the neat nebulae, star clusters, galaxies, and other beautiful features out there. Then, I thought about how these objects were out there (probably now in different forms--they say the light from these far-off space objects take billions of years to hit Earth) waiting to be discovered by sentient beings. I think that God created these gifts for us (and possibly other sentient beings) for us to discover and remember that for all of our technology, God is still there.

For Holly's Story:
Part I
Part II

Happy Holidays

2007-12-25T23:41:00.001-06:00

I just realized that I did not post a "Happy Holidays" articles.

I hope everyone had and still has a happy Holiday season, whatever you like to celebrate. New Year's is still on the way!

Spiritual Abuse Resources

2007-12-21T23:45:00.000-06:00

If anything I write here is inaccurate, let me know.

Spiritual abuse is psychological trauma (which may include physical abuse) caused by the involvement in a religious group, cult, or with a so-called spiritual "teacher." This is a rather loose definition that was deduced from reading several websites on the matter. Many leaders of religious and spiritual groups manipulate and/or terrorize their flocks into following them for their own purposes, but the leaders in question may be duped by the system itself, believing that they are doing "the Lord's work" or "bringing spiritual evolution." It is used to describe abuse coming from fundamentalist Christian groups, such as those who adhere to Hellfire Fundamentalism (radical sect of Christians whose focus is on the doctrine of eternal torment, which may be coupled with focus on the End Times). The United Pentacostal Church has also been accused of harboring spiritual abuse. However, spiritual abuse can come from any radical form of any faith. Spiritual abuse may cause someone to question their relationship with God or even the existence of God. Many people are so badly abused that symbols associated with the abusive group may "trigger" bad memories or feelings. Here is a Wikipedia article on spiritual abuse. Even if you don't trust Wikipedia as a source, there are links to resources for spiritual abuse at the bottom of that page.

Resources (the views on these pages do not necessarily refelct my own views):
Church Abuse.com
Spiritual Abuse Recovery Resources
Spiritual Abuse: With a Secondary Focus on the United Pentacostal Church
SOSA: Survivors of Spiritual Abuse
Ex Church of Christ Support Group
Article on Spiritual Abuse by The Watchmen Expositor
The Awareness Center: Jewish Survivors of Spiritual Abuse (Sexual Abuse and Sexual Assualt)
Spiritual Abuse - An Unsafe Safe Place (Spring 2005)
Safe in Church

Update

2007-12-16T18:40:00.000-06:00

I started this blog two years ago. Since then, my OCD was partially alleviated. I’m not completely cured as I still have to take medications and use mental tools to control the obsessions and compulsions, but I am much better. I don’t have overt compulsions as they usually involve some sort of prayer. My obsessions were and still are to an extent related to the fear of losing my salvation, but I am not wrought with the fear I had two years ago. It only spikes during stressful times and/or when I have little social support.

I still call myself a Christian as I still have the core beliefs (Jesus is the son of God and shed His blood for the sins of the world). I sometimes have trouble saying that I am a Christian because people tend to pidgeonhole me into the same category as Christians one sees in mainstream society. I don’t believe that unbelievers go to eternal hellfire, though. I have been studying the idea that everyone will eventually be saved after being purified/corrected (so no one really gets away with anything, and the process of correction isn’t a picnic to say the least). However, I still see the cessation of existence for the unsaved to be the most logical outcome for now; still, universal reconciliation is still inviting.

You may have seen some references to esoteric, “New Agey” and Eastern spirituality stuff on this blog, and I understand if this confuses some people. When I was referring to these things, I was taking a class called “Consciousness and Spirituality” at University. As I studied the material, the perspectives I learned helped me to personally understand passages in the Bible better. Since I was learning about spiritual matters outside the context of fear and threat of punishment, they were easier to mentally digest. Since taking that class, I think I have a better personal understanding of some of the passages from the Bible and from what [I hope] God tells me. As for the stuff about self-remembrance, I think self-examination is fine for seeing what needs to be changed. If you have ever tried it, it’s not a blissful experience. Sometimes it’s boring, and at other times, it can be frightening—at least that is how I experienced it.

In other news, I watched a special on CNN last night called “God’s Warriors.” They featured a pastor named Greg Boyd. From the interview, he seemed like an interested pastor. He does not believe in forcing the beliefs of Christianity on the rest of the nation. Here is his website. I have not read everything on that site, so be careful to make your own decision about what he says. I know from experience that it is easier to simply listen to someone else as opposed to actually thinking about it. I’ve gotten into trouble for doing the former.

I hope everyone has a blessed holiday season and a happy new year.

"Orthodoxy and Gregory of Nyssa's Universalism " by James Edward Goetz

2007-11-17T16:40:00.000-06:00

Mr. Goetz has written an interesting article on Universal Salvtion, putting his arguments into scriptural and historical contexts. After you read it, post it somewhere, refute it with your own work (but post your refutation there so he can see and answer them if he chooses), or whatever else you want to do with it. Just give the guy credit for it, alright? Alright. :)

thesearch4truth.net Blog (EDITED)

2007-11-12T16:38:00.000-06:00

Chris (PragmaticChris) has decided that he is not going to renew the domain of the forums or his blog, so I'm removing the link.

In other news, I haven't been doing well either. I have schoolwork and other responsibilities, so talking about my own problems would take up too much time for me to type it all. I may go more in-depth later, but for now, all I want to say that it has something to do with my condition (OCD) and my sister possibly having temporal lobe epilepsy.

That is all.

Rituals

2007-10-03T16:47:00.000-05:00

I was in Theories of Soceity class on Tuesday. We talked about Durkheimian theory and it helped me to articulate something that I am starting to realize.

Back when I started this blog, I had a negative view of rituals. Now, I don't think they are such a bad idea. If a ritual helps one to get into the mindset, that's fine. As long as the ritual does not become more important than the teachings of one's spiritual path, it's fine to me. I think the problem comes when the ritual becomes a burden and makes a person forget what's really important--love for God and love for others. Those two things pretty much cover it.

According to Durkheim, ritual is important in holding society together. This may be religious in nature of be of the civil kind. It helps to strengthen social bonds with others. How did I jump from the ritual in the context of a group to ritual in the context of the individual? Durkheim did a suicide study about one hundred years ago. He was not necessarily internested in the reasons individuals committed suicide, but in the rates of suicide in certian groups. He ascertained that Protestants had the highest rate of suicide while Catholics and Jews had the lowest. My professor claims that these rates are the same today. Durkheim reasoned that since Protestants are highly individualistic ("the priesthood of all", personal relationship with God, etc) and did not have many group rituals, there is less intergration into the group. There are fewer people to lean upon in times of hardship. This is Durkheim's view, mind you.

Since reading this, I have begun to think that group rituals (group prayers, etc...not necessarily the pageantry one sees in the Catholic church) are not a bad thing as long as the "leader" is not controlling of the individual's relationship with God. God himself is the deciding factor, and if a person feels that they need to take part some sort of communal activity, it's a good thing.

I hope this post was not too convoluted. Have a good weekend, all.

R.I.P. Madeleine L’Engle

2007-09-07T20:51:00.000-05:00

Madeleine L’Engle, who in writing more than 60 books, including childhood fables, religious meditations and science fiction, weaved emotional tapestries transcending genre and generation, died Thursday in Connecticut. She was 88.

This saddens me a little. I loved her books when I was a child with their religious allusions and morals of good overcoming evil with love.

If you're a parent looking for a good book for your child, pick up one of her books. If you're an adult with no children, pick up one of her books. They're sci-fi spiritual fables.

The Search for the Truth Message Board Needs Your Help!

2007-08-17T13:16:00.000-05:00

This forum is open to everyone who wants to talk about anything. Spirituality, the paranormal, current events, politics, religion, science, or anything else a person desires. All that is required is an open mind and a thirst for the truth!

Sign up today! Registration is free.

Tentmaker Forum Back Up!

2007-08-05T18:19:00.000-05:00

Check it out!

On Doing Your Own Spiritual Work

2007-08-02T00:20:00.000-05:00

Remember what I wrote about doing your own spiritual work (i.e., reading stuff for yourself and listening to God yourself)? Well, I did not do that. I realized this about a week ago.

See, I grew too attached to someone who I considered a teacher and a savior. I read his messages and took them to heart. I even developed a stupid internet crush on the guy.

What I have finally realized is what worked for him was not working for me, and being so attached to him that I listened to him as opposed to listening to God retarded me in my spiritual development. I finally "came out" and admitted my crush to him on a public forum where I was justly given a verbal slap in the face by this person. I needed this to see my foolishness.

This has made me realize in spades that I need to listen to God directly and not follow after what someone else is doing, even if they one of the main people who helped me out of Hellfire Fundamentalism. I focused on the human when I should have focused on the God, Son, and Spirit coming through that person. I love you, my readers. (Though not in a romantic sense!) Take care.

God bless.

Beware the Scribes down AGAIN

2007-07-30T11:50:00.000-05:00

I've received word from the webmaster that this website may be resurrected, so I'll keep the readers posted.

Also, the Tentmaker forums are being revamped. I'll post the link when it comes back up again.

Criticism of Christian Publicaitons

2007-07-24T13:45:00.001-05:00

Time Changer is like many other Christian movies: retarded theology, cliches, and horrible writing. Wait, I was being redundant. Oh well.

Basically, a guy from the late-1800s goes into the future and sees the evils of modern-day society. Something Awful does a hilarious job of reviewing this piece of tripe.

Many people may find it odd that I mercilessly ridicule Christian movies in general. In many Christian circles, it's almost considered heresy to criticize anything to do with Christianity. It does not matter how idiotic, demeaning, and downright hateful a writer's interpretation is. If a person makes a parody of it or criticizes it, then that person is seen as "mocking God." I think Christianity would be taken more seriously if other Christians were not afraid of pointing out absurdity within their ranks.

Yes, there are things in the world that are wrong, but simply saying that "Jesus said it was wrong, and that's that" is a silly argument. It may work amongst a few Christians, but non-Christians will see right through this assertion right to a person's lack of logic, laziness, or both. People are converted through examples of Christ in other people (people having the faith in God to fill them with the Spirit--when they are filled with God, and the vessel acting accordingly (even though it is still all God)) and the beckoning of the Holy Spirit, not inane arguments and Bible-thumping. Wait, was I being redundant against just now? Forget it...

Beware the Scribes Offline Again

2007-07-17T13:30:00.000-05:00

It appears that Beware the Scribes is off line again. Hopefully this is a temporary shutdown do to a move to a new server.

Of Harry Potter and Fundamentalism

2007-07-14T17:24:00.000-05:00

Any psychologist (or critical thinker for that matter) will tell you that many interconnected and separate forces actually influence an individual to make a decision. Apparently, some people do not seem to understand this. Granted, I am not a fan of Harry Potter. I started to read the first book and became bored. I just saw The Order of the Phoenix on Thursday and thought it was a good children's movie. To me, the movie portrayed the power of love against hate in a fun, fantasy context.

Since the books came out, Fundamentalist Christians attacked the books and demanded that they be banned in schools. These Christians contend that the Harry Potter books drag children into the "dark world" of witchcraft. Yes, I am well aware of the warning against witchcraft in the Old Testament, but is this something about which Christians should be seriously worried? It is possible to allow a child to read a book hinting at wizardry and remind them that it is all imaginary. Before Harry Potter, Dungeons and Dragons was the scapegoat. Humans have a tendency to blame a growth in a social group on whatever made them take notice of that group, and religious leaders will attack anything that could possibly lead their personal flock astray.

I think that many (if not most) of the attacks on the Harry Potter books come from laziness. It's easy to attack a children's book as opposed to working on one's own spiritual life. I've been down that road, and I know that self-examination is harder than bashing every work of fiction I don't like.

Not a Catholic? Then You are Just a Partial Christian

2007-07-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

Apparently. Why does Ratzinger do this when the world is going up in flames? So much for Romans 12:3-5:

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office: So we, [being] many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.

I believe that each denomination has its own virtues, and all denominations can learn a thing or two from other denominations. Do we really need the fighting in Ireland again?

Memorial Day

2007-05-25T11:43:00.000-05:00

I would like to wish everyone in the 'States a safe Memorial Day weekend.

If you would like to help the men and women in the armed forces, visit these links:
America Supports You
USO
Welfare and Family (British Armed Forces support)

Being Aware of the Spirit

2007-05-22T13:20:00.001-05:00

I just realized something last night. I was watching the end of an episode of Pastor Scott in which Gene Scott's wife was preaching about the Holy Spirit. She said that there is another being inside of a person who has the Spirit. I know this sounds like a "no duh" sort of thing, but hearing the words helped me to be more aware of the Spirit.

It's not important to simply be aware of yourself being present to yourself. I almost think that that part is not so important to me anymore. Being aware of yourself as a person with the Spirit lets you know there is someone else there in your being, but I think that actually being aware of the Holy Spirit as a whole other being inside of you is much more important.

Jerry Falwell

2007-05-21T17:35:00.000-05:00

It has been a week since Jerry Falwell died. I, like many of my readers, was actually joyful when he was dead. I was elated that one more Fundamentalist Christian was going to be poisoning the name of Christianity. However, I was no better than the man himself for being joyful in his passing. He may have praised God when certain people died, but to be happy about his death makes me or anyone else no better than he was.

However, it irritates me when people become indignant when critics bring up Falwell's less-than-Christian deeds. He may have done a great deal for the Christian right, and if he has done charity work, that's great! Still, the man is not above reproach. No mortal is. If people expect Muslims to root out the extremists in their camps, then Christians should not be afraid to call out the nuts in Christianity when they see them. Criticism of certain religious "leader" is not an attack on Christianity as a whole, just as criticism of Muslim extremists is not an attack on Islam as a whole.

I send my condolences to his family, friends, and supporters, but individuals, including religious leaders, speak for themselves.

On Emptiness

2007-04-25T17:24:00.000-05:00

I may have frightened some of you off when I mentioned the emptiness I found upon remembering myself for the first time. That emptiness was me, myself, my own being. I am empty. However, I believe the Holy Spirit resides there because I sense him. This is after making the differentiation between myself and the Godhead with and/or in myself.

I think that the Holy Spirit could come through even if people were not empty at the core of their being. From what I read in the Bible, the body is like a conduit through which the Holy Spirit flows.

Also, about being a machine--John Godolphin Bennet, author of Making a Soul, says that there is a difference between doing and choice. We do not do--everything in us happens whether we like it or not. Choice is different, because it means possibilities. You can choose to remember yourself (being acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself (as my professor, Dr. Quentin Dinardo, would say)--that you're you, you're in the here and now). This paradox is much like the paradox one finds upon reading the Bible concerning free will--you have a choice, but you're still a slave to sin. I think that what Bennet and Ouspensky (author of The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution) are talking about is at least almost exactly like the paradox found in the Bible. I do not want to make any absolute statements here, since translations of the Bible may be full of errors and I do not know everything.

When you remember yourself, you have more possibilities because you are in a higher state of consciousness. I have been there. Since I am in sleep again, it is difficult to explain it. It's difficult anyway since spiritual things can not be fully tied down in words.

The experience was as if a photograph with a bright lightbulb was being taken. I sensed everything, and everything seemed so clear. Bennet, Ouspensky, and others assert that when we have accidental moments of self-consciousness (self-remembering), we create memories.

I do not necessarily agree with everything Bennet and Ouspensky say. I still believe that Jesus was the Son of God and died as a sacrifice for my sins, but the material from my Consciousness and Spirituality class gave me a better vocabulary for assimilating and organizing my faith in my heart and mind.

"The entrence to the temple is gaurded by two demons; they are confusion and paradox (Q. Dinardo, personal communication, 2007)." This was originally stated by a Sufi mystic, but I do not remember his name.

Much Better Today

2007-04-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

I feel much better today. I believe the matter is pretty much settled (for now, in case I have another relapse). I guess it's the whole "peace that surpasses all understanding" thing.

Take care all! Thanks for your support.

Unforgivable Sin

2007-04-10T18:35:00.000-05:00

One thing that has been bothering me for awhile now is the issue of the Unforgivable Sin (Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit). I have struggled with this before until someone explained it to me, but a couple of months ago, I read a post by this same someone telling someone else that they committed this sin for claiming that they saved souls.

I have been in a state of terror off and on since then. Even if the rebellious are eventually destroyed, I don't want to go where they're going.

I know I shouldn't base my faith off the idea of punishments and rewards. It's so hard not to do so, especially after being brought up Catholic and being sucked into a Fundie cult later on. The idea of being able to commit a sin that would guarantee that they are permantently doomed.

I'm terrified and sick. I don't know what to do. I don't even want to even think about the Holy Spirit for fear that I may screw up somehow.

Texas Lawmaker Wants to Ban Homosexuals from Fostering

2007-04-09T10:34:00.000-05:00

It appears that a Texas Republican lawmaker wants to keep Homosexuals from fostering children. It's pure idiocy in my book. I guess in this bozo's eyes no loving, supportive parents (or worse, being put with Fundies) is better than being put with a homosexual couple.

Of course, this lawmaker does not wish to be named. This is unfortunate, because then I would urge my readers to send letters to this person.

It's sickening. Truly sickening.

Here is the link to the story.

Conference of the Lambs

2007-03-22T20:05:00.000-05:00

Jeri Massi, an active critic of Christian Fundamentalism and author of the Secret Radio series and Blog on the Lillypad, will be hosting a conference in Charlotte, NC for survivors of church abuse. All are welcome to attend, especially those who have been harmed my spiritual, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse in a church setting as well as those who want to leave legalistic Christianity behind them.

Click here for more information.

Lonliness

2007-03-21T23:36:00.000-05:00

I'm getting so lonely recently. I have a couple of friends with whom I can connect, but I would love to talk to someone with whom I can share my thoughts and beliefs comfortably and who will set me straight when needed. Even though I think the relationship between a believer and the Godhead is the most important thing, I think that believers still need other people during their weaker moments. Sometimes, people don't listen as well as they should. I believe that other people need to be there to figuratively (or maybe even literally) slap a believer upside the head and set him straight.

I am wary of churches and "Christian" forums. For one thing, many churches/forums seem like country clubs, and I do not want to be sucked in to a certain denomination or "party line." The contact I would like to have need not be in person, even though that would probably be better. I just want good quality contact and discussions every so often. I don't feel comfortable bearing my mind to the world on issues like this, but I just need to get this out. I'm not absolutely miserable or anything. I make do, but I just would like more contact.

To add to this, I wonder whether or not yearning for contact with other believers for spiritual discussion can be confused with yearning for a romantic partner. I believe that this has been happening to me. When I connect with someone spiritually, sometimes I have romantic feelings toward him. I suppose this is just the flesh getting in the way. I know that sometimes fellowships result in lasting romantic pairings at times, it's hard to have that when the person with whom one is fellowshipping is at least 1,000 miles away. While it is nice to have a romantic partner (which I do not have at this point), what I really think I need is good spiritual discussion with someone who has not been clouded by Fundamentalism or denomination.

The reason I am separating romance and spiritual connectivity apart is that romance seems to take over the situation with me. It clouds the situation, and I end up losing sight of what really matters. That is the truth as I see it.

With work, perhaps I will be better at keeping romantic feelings at bay. If, God willing, I run into someone with whom I can have both a spiritual and romantic connection, hopefully I will have been able to get my emotionality under control so that the idealistic feelings don't cloud my judgment.

Beware the Scribes Back Up! For Real This Time!

2007-03-19T19:00:00.000-05:00

Don't take that heading cynically, either. My acquaintance who runs that website got it back up, and none of the original articles have been lost! *safety dance*

Go there now!

Also, I may be putting up some artwork pertaining to spirituality (and no, I'm not talking about that fan-art of me glomping a god character from Sacrifice, either). Stay tuned!

(Almost) Achieving Consciousness(?)

2007-02-21T17:18:00.000-06:00

Note: I highly suggest that you go out and get The Inner Journey Home by A. H. Almas and read it for yourself. These understandings are based on my own understandings and those of my professor and classmates. Don't take what I say as gospel.

Today in Consciousness and Spirituality, we talked about chapters three and nine in The Inner Journey Home by A. H. Almas. These chapters were basically about how the soul in addition to being a field of sensitivity, it is a field of consciousness. It is consciousness. It is an organism of consciousness. This consciousness is also presence. Almas uses consciousness and presence interchangeably because that is his findings and the findings of others through personal examination. When a person remembers himself, he is conscious of being conscious, as the soul is at its basic level. Almas says that all thinking, doing, feeling, and other cognitions or actions are separate from this basic ground of the soul. In order to get to a point of self-remembrance (which is the higher state of consciousness that is just above what we usually experience), we must release all these other things and get to the ground, the consciousness, and presence of the soul.

For our exercise, we meditated. The aim of this meditation is to remember yourself, or as Dr. Dinardo put it, "Being acutely aware of yourself being present to yourself." So, with the information that I read and learned, I sought to get to the ground of my soul. I first thought to myself that I was going to experience the soul, that is, the pure consciousness, presence, and "beingness." A few times I had a sense that I was getting very close to something, and each I experienced things in my body. I gasped for air, breathed deeper, my chest felt as if it were clenching (nothing painful, but I was aware of it). It was like coming up for air. I didn't get all the way "there," wherever "there" was in this case. It could have been the higher state of consciousness, but I won't know it for sure until I get there.

It was like the story of a Sufi mystic who, when asked how he achieved enlightenment, said that he learned from watching a dog. He said that the dog kept creeping up to a pool of water in the desert, but frightened by his reflection, he jumped away. After a while, he needed the water so much that he finally just plunged in. We don't want really know ourselves. When we get hints of it, we really don't like what we see. This is at least my own interpretation of it.

Ugghhh...

2007-02-17T20:50:00.000-06:00

I know I said I would post a journal entry every week. Well, I'm afraid I will have to do it only once in awhile. My academic life is really putting pressure on me, and other things in my life are going down the toilet. Not really bad when juxtaposed with the Bigger Picture, but is still makes me feel as if I am wading through mud.

Take care, all. I'm sorry.

Journal Entry Delays

2007-02-05T19:52:00.000-06:00

I apologize for the lack of journal entries in the last too weeks. I had a rather nasty cold that hung on for a couple of weeks, and now, I just have a cough that will not go away.

Hopefully, I will post something later this week.

In the meantime, enjoy this short video.
And this one, for MST3K fans.

First Entry

2007-01-18T21:49:00.000-06:00

"From January 17, 2007.

Today was my first day in a class called Consciousness and Spirituality. My professor described the class as the psychology of consciousness and the evolution of human consciousness. For the first half of the class, he explained the syllabus and out texts. He went down a road telling us about G. Gurdjieff, a spiritual teacher and mentor to P. D. Ouspenksy and J.G. Bennet. Gurdjieff grew up in Georgia, and as an adult, decided that he would dedicate his life to the search for ancient, long-lost knowledge. He finally joined a monastery (I can not remember the exact name and location) he believed would give him the knowledge he needed and lived there for a while. While living at the monastery, he was given the task of bringing what he learned there to the outside world. He established a school outside of Paris in order to convey this information to the world. My professor told us that Gurdjieff believed that we are not born with souls but that we must cultivate a soul and strive to help it develop to its full potential. I regret not being able to provide more detail and I hesitate to use the internet because of the burden of having to sift through unreliable sources.

My professor gave us his own insights about the nature of being and the insights of his own mentors on the subject. He said that “[we] are the living manifestation of the collective mind” of civilization. He believes that people are a product of their particular civilization and that individual people as members of a particular civilization are “like fruit on a tree and berries on a bush.” This how powerful the force of culture is on a person. One civilization can be thought of as an apple tree and another as a pear tree.

When a person is “awake” or truly conscious (as opposed to the “sleep” in which most people seem to move about daily), a person goes beyond the forces of culture. They go beyond their programming are no longer slaves to their cultural programming. My professor said that in a state which he calls “true self-consciousness,” a person is in a state in which he is consciously aware of where his is in his own being. I suppose the state in which most people are existing is such that people are not really sure where they are in life. They just go through life with the flow. I am not talking about people who follow no schedule, nor do I think that following schedules are a bad thing. I just agree with my professor that most people are simply not “awake.” Most people simply get up, go to work/school, come home, focus on their material lives, and maybe include some religion here and there as custom dictates. I have to wonder whether or not most people I see on the street are “awake.” I honestly can not make that judgment, but my professor said something about a story in which the first Buddha, Siddhartha, was walking along. A man came up to Siddhartha and noticed something different about him. The man asked him if he was a king, prince, owner of much land, or some other type of prestigious person. Siddhartha simply answered, “I am awake.” This goes back to what Odin, former owner of BewaretheScribes.net, said about people who are saved (and I paraphrase): “Those who are truly connected to God will be identified as such [or at least as something different or special].”

In another story the professor told the class is one in which Siddhartha was walking along with many, many disciples following him. A person came up to Siddhartha and asked him about his teachings. Siddhartha said that he could not teach people about the level he (Siddartha) attained. He went on to say that he hopes that he is giving his disciples “a thirst” for conscious growth. I suppose that is what happens when the Spirit convicts people. That is what happened to me, at least. I suddenly had this thirst to learn and grow. After a year or so, I started to slack off. I’ll talk more about getting back off my bum in a minute.

Anyway, we took a ten minute break. I asked the professor for clarification of some detail on the syllabus. He clarified it for me and remarked that I was very detail-oriented. I sheepishly agreed with him and told him that I had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. What he said in response made sense and confirmed what I had already thought. He told me that many times assets are treated as illnesses. He added that having what people may call an “anxiety disorder” means that a person is “like a rabbit that just came out of his hole looking for danger,” and that it could be a real asset. He did agree that the energies of those talents may be focused in life-disrupting patterns (such as excessive, repeated checking, obsessing, excessive washing, excessive “prayer,” and other compulsions). The point of this is that many times, talents can be misdirected into behaviors that do not serve us well. Being detail oriented is useful in many situations, such as designing a automobile or space station component, but when those energies are focused into unproductive behaviors, they only serve to make us miserable. Sometimes, useful behaviors can be mislabeled as being a symptom of a disorder. My professor explained that even though Freud did give psychology many useful ideas, but his habit of calling any strange behavior a symptom of some illness was shortsighted. Instead of correctly identifying truly dysfunctional behavior and thought processes (that come of misdirecting energies) as symptoms, many people would say that being detail-oriented is itself an illness. My professor said that the job of the therapist is to redirect energies (or something to that effect) so that a person engages in fewer instances of dysfunctional behavior. I suppose the complete ceasing of dysfunctional behaviors is possible in adepts (sages or enlightened people) who have “made it” all the way to the highest state of consciousness, if there aren’t infinite dimensions of consciousness. (That’s a doozy to think about, eh?)

We did a class exercise for the second half of the class period. The professor instructed us to walk around the room and gaze closely at other people in silence. We had to really look at the people we passed and think about what we were feeling when we looked at each person. I was apprehensive about looking closely at others and about having others look closely at me at first, but then I started feeling like I was looking into people. I also felt that they were looking into me. With one person, it felt as if we were meshing halfway. The time we spent looking at one another seemed longer and deeper than the time I spent looking at others. There were a couple of others with whom I seemed to connect as well. After this part of the exercise, we were to pair up with the person with whom we felt the best about connecting. I tried to pair up with that aforementioned person, but I hesitated and he paired up with someone else. I paired up with someone I knew but felt somewhat good about looking at. I guess that feeling about her came partially from recognizing her from a past class we had together and already having preconceived notions of what she was like based on what I knew about her from that time. She also did not look at me for very long. I felt that she was holding back a little like many other people in the class. Anyway, in our pairs we were to walk around the room and look at other people as pairs. I felt some connection with the people, but not nearly as much as I did when looking at others one-on-one. I felt that I the connection was more spread out and less concentrated than as it was when looking at others individually.

Then, as pairs, we paired with other pairs and sat in a circle. We talked about our experiences walking around in pairs, and then we were clustered into larger groups. The larger groups were to talk about their reasons for taking the class and what they hoped to gain from it. One lady really stood out to me. She said that it was her third time taking the course because something in her did not want to go further the last couple of times. Something in her became extremely uncomfortable. It was not the amount of material to read or the difficulty of the tests, but there was something in her that recoiled during the process. I could say it was something in her that she did not want to confront, but only she and the Godhead know that. Another person said that she wanted to gain more knowledge for the sake of learning. This lady was a true scholar. She had such a thirst for knowledge that she said learning was “like Christmas morning every day.” She laughed with delight as she was saying this. I have never seen such zeal before, and I have to say that I am envious of her zeal. Another person said he wanted to learn to understand people better since he is working internationally as a mechanical engineer.

I am taking the course because I want to not only fill in my elective requirements, but also to further my spiritual development. I believe that I am backslidden a bit, and I have not been growing much recently, if at all. Hopefully, the experiences in this class would jumpstart the growth again. I have a sense that I will be challenged a great deal and experience some level or pain along the way. My professor even said that the course was challenging, saying that “[we] will gain a thirst for that development or choke on it.” He even said that some people may not be able to handle the class if they are so stuck in their beliefs and want nothing to do with challenging them. One lady decided to leave and put off taking the class until the next Spring semester so she could give all of her time to the class. I was about to ask God about whether or not I should stay, but I immediately sensed something to the effect of “You’re Staying!” So stay I shall.

Finally, we all got together in a large circle as a class to discuss our feelings on the exercise and about sitting in the circle. I mentioned the sense of connectiveness in the circle and the feeling of love that seemed to go in and out of me and everyone. One incredibly bright lady said that the connection itself is love and the loving of another person. It makes sense, because connecting at a deep level (at least to a level one is not accustomed) makes one vulnerable. Allowing someone to come in takes a great deal of trust, and it becomes such an intimate experience as my professor said. It’s quite difficult to put it into words. The professor quoted a character from the beginning of the movie Crash: “This is not a real city. In real cities like New York or Chicago, people brush up against each other. It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.”* The same bright lady I mentioned earlier also said that how you perceive a spiritual experience (or even if you perceive an experience as such) depends on your outlook on life. Some people are more open to receiving a taste of wakefulness and others are not. People color experiences with what is programmed into them by their culture. I imagine the coloring of experiences happens progressively less as someone gets closer to the higher state of being for which everyone strives in some way. Some people just happen to get on the wrong road to it, whether it be by drugs, eating, material wealth, religion, and other mundane things. Aristotle said that everything strives for its final cause, or telos. Many times, what Aristotle calls the agent of motion may be events that change us and rattle our cages to wake us up. This whole discussion made me think of the “Allegory of the Cave” from Plato’s Republic. Read it and you’ll see why." http://www.ilt.columbia.edu/publications/Projects/digitexts/plato/the_republic/book07.html

*Part of this quote was taken from Wikipquote: http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Crash

Things Are Going to Get A Lot More Interesting Around Here

2007-01-17T21:12:00.000-06:00

I started a class called Consciousness and Spirituality today. It is very interesting, and I am journaling about it in my spiral notebook. I will be typing these journal entries and posting them here. I have already written an entry, but I am too lazy at the moment to type it up and post it here (it's seven written pages, not front-and-back). These posts are going to be long, and involve the use of words such as "feeling," "sense," "energies," and other concepts that people who have at least a slight distaste for emotionalism and instinct being involved in spirituality may not enjoy. These will consist of what happened in class and what my professor said. I will also include my own insights and interpretations as well.

The required texts (not including readings from out-of-print books in the library) for this class: The Psychology of Man's Possible Evolution by P.D. Ouspensky, Living Presence: A Sufi Way to Mindfulness & the Essential Self by Kabir Edmund Helminski, and Making A Soul: Human Destiny and the Debt of Our Existence by J.G. Bennet. There will be concepts from spiritualities that predate Christianity as we know it, but Jesus basically espoused the same ideas that other contemporaries did. I just happen to believe that He is the Son of God and that He died as a sacrifice for my sins. There is no reason why I should not be able to bring in some concepts I learn and utilize them to have a better understanding of my individual spirituality. You may not know this, but in the Gospel of Mary Magdeline which was found among the collection of scrolls ascertained at Nag Hummadi, the author talks about individual development, just as Jesus did as I interpret the New Testament. I make the mistake of taking other people's interpretation as gospel (no pun intended) as opposed to taking the voice of God (not a collection of scrolls as we know as a book) as God's literal word.

I will mention the name of my professor with his permission. Until then, take care all, and God bless.

New Links

2007-01-10T19:39:00.000-06:00

I put up some of the old links from the blog. I also included links to pregnancy crisis centers for pregnant women and friends of pregnant women. Some support abortion, some discourage it.

I do not like abortion, but I do not believe in making it illegal. The government has no place in legislating religious doctrine.

Back at LSH (Last Stop Hell)

2007-01-07T21:32:00.000-06:00

I was browsing through my old posts here and I realized that I had posted about not going back to the Last Stop Hell forum. Well, I went back after awhile. I know, I know.

It's like a train wreck--it's hard to turn away. This time, though, I am not upset by the Fundie rants. They either bore me or I simply do not read them (most of them are too darn long to read because they probably copied and pasted the content from another website). The nonFundies have taken over and do most of the posting. It's really not what it used to be. If I were more in favor of LSH, I would say that it has deteriorated. Frankly, I'm glad. It is no longer as efficient as it was for dragging unsuspecting souls into the Web of Fundamentalist Despair.

In other news, I decided to post some links and organize them nicely. Of course, I did not republish my Blog after editing the template. ::(

Beware the Scribes Not Likely to be Revived

2007-01-02T21:26:00.000-06:00

I just recently contacted the webmaster of the old Beware the Scribes website, and he said that he can't get in touch with the provider. It is unlikely that it will be revived.

Here's to a good run for a friend's dream. It may not have lasted long, but Hell, it happened.

Beware the Scribes still down...

2007-01-01T13:53:00.000-06:00

Since this site has been down for a while, I decided to remove the link until it comes back up.

Pet Love And Loss

2006-10-09T20:39:00.000-05:00

On Sunday, I lost my oldest kitty, Samantha. She had to be put down due to kidney failure. She was the sweetest little kitty who would go up to almost anyone to be petted.

For all of you who have lost a non-human loved one, this site is a resource of gentle support from those who understand.

Personally, I believe that there is at least a small part of an animal's being that goes someplace after death (other than the ground/dumpster/crematorium/etc for you snarky folks). It's a comforting belief, anyway.

Perhaps when I am healed and more mature in my faith, I may not need to hold on to such a thing. For right now, though, this provides comfort to me.

When you lose a loved one, it is important to allow yourself to grieve in the best way you know how. The rest of society may be rude or not even care, but you need to start the healing process right after the hurt.

God bless, all. Rest in peace, Samantha.

Beware the Scribes Back Up!

2006-09-13T22:44:00.000-05:00

Beware the Scribes is up and running again! Go check it out!

Also, allow me to pimp my deviantART page.

Andrea Yates Found Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity

2006-07-26T14:02:00.000-05:00

Click here for the story.

Now that the verdict has been reached, I wonder if there will be any more investigation (legal, journalistic (Is that even a word?), or otherwise) into how the nature of the Fundamentalist Christian beliefs imposed on Yates affected her.

I do not believe that her mental illness excuses what she did. Murdering children is wrong.

I think this situation is another example of the horrible effect that Fundamentalism has on people. My own bout with Christian Fundamentalism nearly drove me to suicide. As a friend of mine once said on a message board, "Satan just sits back and laughs because the Fundamentalists are doing his job for him!"

The webmaster of this site escaped with his sanity from the pastor of the Yates couple. What the hell is wrong with people?

Edit, because I do not want to do another post: I did not watch the ABC Primetime show with tapes of Mrs. Yates being played. I knew that I would not have been able to handle it.

If you're as angry with Christian Fundamentalism as I am, go here.

Televangelism: Tricks of the Trade

2006-07-16T17:11:00.000-05:00

Still not willing to take televangelists with at least a grain of salt? Watch these videos...

Excerpt from "Nova"

Excerpts from Marjoe

For dessert to cool your off, here are a couple of clips for a taste of the bizzare and perhaps a couple of infantile giggles:

Robot Tilton's Poodles

Have your Beano handy.

Benny Hinn, or Benny Hill?

Happy 4th!

2006-07-04T11:48:00.000-05:00

I want to wish all my fellow Americans out there a happy and safe Independence Day, whatever you do today.

For the occasion, here is a silly little test from Blogthings.com:

How "Average American" Are You?

You Are 70% "Average American"

You are average because you don't have a college degree.

You are not average since you would pay to go in space.

How "Average American" Are You?

I'm still an undergraduate at this point. I only have two more semeters to go!

Very Pretty Flash On NewGrounds

2006-06-13T11:38:00.000-05:00

Click Here.

This was done for a religion class by three students. It has a strong spiritual message in it without any direct reference to any particular religion.

Memorial Day

2006-05-29T14:46:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone in the United States is having a wonderful and meaningful Memorial Day, whatever your beliefs.

Whether or not you agree with the war, please take a moment to encourage the men and women who are in the military.

This is for the United States military:
Operation Dear Abby

For those of you outside the United States, here are some websites where you can send a message to your troops as well. I know that you do not celebrate Memorial Day, but since blogs and be read from all over the world, I do not think it would not be fair to only post links to send messages for your armed forces. Here are the sites that I could find:

For Canada:
Write to the Troops

For the UK:
Support Our Soldiers

For Germany:
Soldiers' Angels Germany: Send Messages to Ill and Injured Soliders

Institute For Psychological Heath

2006-04-16T10:46:00.000-05:00

I heard an advertisement for this on the radio last night, and I decided to check it out. They are an organization that tries to help the community and professionals work together to create an environment where mental health can thrive.

Institute For Psychological Heath

Gospel of Judas

2006-04-09T21:08:00.000-05:00

I just watched a little bit of the National Geographic special, "The Gospel of Judas."

I thought it was interesting. The document that they found was found to be an authentic document in that it was dated between 220-340 AD. The document they found was a copy, probably to preserve the gospel in case the original was destroyed.

Basically, the Gospel of Judas says that Judas was commanded by Jesus to betray him; at least that is what is conveyed in the documentary. Even if the account of Judas is true, Christians need not worry. Jesus still died and was resurrected according to the other gospels.

My sister put forth the idea that the fact that Jesus' crucifixion was not mentioned in the Gospel of Judas can possibly mean that Judas did not see the crucifixon because he was running for his life. Judas was probably worried, as he saw in a vision that he was being stoned by the other apostles.

As for Judas hanging himself, it is said in Acts 1:18 that Judas fell and his body burst, his insides (it says "bowels" in the KJV) fell out.

Even with the possibility that it is not true, it is still interesting to consider things that are different from what we are used to. Being that the Gospel of Judas has Gnostic elements that are highlighted by the documentary, I take it with a grain of salt. Even though I do not agree with a few of the Gnostic teachings, it is still interesting to consider what someone could draw from them, such as considering the body and the world a prison that keeps a person from reaching a higher spiritual level. I don't think many Christians can dispute that idea. We are imprisoned in an imperfect body, and the body is in conflict with the spirit.

All the information on the Gospel of Judas was taken from the documentary and National Geographic's website.

National Geographic Presents the Gospel of Judas

New Link!

2006-03-22T23:41:00.000-06:00

LeavingFundamentalism.Org

The "author" of this webpage is still a Christian, but he seems open to those who are exploring other beliefs.

They have a forum, too!

Medication Continued

2006-02-28T16:49:00.000-06:00

I finally saw the psychiatrist today. She asked me how I was without the medication, and I told her. She told me that since Zoloft is not addictive, it's most likely not withdrawal--going from 100mg to 0mg (having the outide help and suddenly not having it) was a shock.

She has put me on 100mg of Zoloft for the next six months. After this period of time, she will talk to me about possibly taking me down to 75mg.

Meds--Long Post

2006-02-24T20:37:00.000-06:00

I saw the therapist today, and I was reminded that I still have a stigma attached to taking medication. It was my therapist who made me realize this.

I have been off my Zoloft (100 mg) for a couple of weeks because I did not make a refill appointment with my psychiatrist soon enough, and I ran out of refills. The past two weeks have made me realize that I still probably need 100mg of Zoloft just as much as I needed it this past summer. The psychiatrist may have other ideas, though, and that’s fine.

For the past couple of weeks while not on the medication, I have been increasingly paranoid, timid, irritable, assuming the worst of people’s intentions, seeing other human beings as being inferior, having violent thoughts, having exaggerated aggressive feelings, being disgusted with the bodily functions of others (besides the obvious that come to mind), blaming those who I have lent support for my lack of mental/emotional energy, and being frustrated with other people. Basically, I feel like was I was back in high school.

Now, I know not having my medication is no excuse for these behaviors. Some of you reading this may have caught fallout from this, and I am sorry if you are one of those people. The main point of this entry is that I am upset by the thought that I actually need medication to act like a decent human being. I know these symptoms are probably from withdrawal, but I am still disappointed that I am not strong enough on my own to make myself be decent. I tried to be decent and not have horrible thoughts, but I gave up trying. It was too hard. I know there really is not any excuse for this, but too much has been going on, and without my medication, I am having trouble caring at all.

It’s hard for me to just chalk it up to being chemically imbalanced because I feel like I am excusing my behavior. It’s also very hard for me to not throw blame at God, even if for just a moment before further reflection. I wonder why I was born this way, I wonder why God “made me” this way, and I become angry. It’s not fair to do that, though. What helps is to remember that (at least in my opinion) all the crap that is out there is a result of the fall, and all of Adam’s descendents are unfortunate recipients of a biological set of cards that will serve them for better or worse. It’s not God’s fault, and I had to remind myself of this.

I guess I don’t want to think that I am still a sinful being. I want to believe that I am past that when I am really not. I guess you can say it is something that could be a humbling experience if received, but damn, it’s hard.

My therapist told me something that really helped. Paraphrased, she told me that a person’s nervous system is no different from the heart, and since needing a pacemaker does not make someone a bad person, needing medication to keep the nervous system (which includes the brain) in balance does not make someone a bad person either. I just hate the thought of weakness in myself.

Also, when I am on the medication, I appreciate it because it helps. However, I did not allow myself to recognise my own stigmas against taking medication, and a part of me is still ashamed of it.

Edited at 6:57 PM on 2/25/06

Beware the Scribes.Net

2006-02-06T14:09:00.000-06:00

An aquaintence's webpage, Beware the Scribes.Net, has been revamped. Take a look!

Homepage
Forum

Beware the Scribes is a place where everyone is welcome to discuss Fundamentalism, politics, spirituality, philosophy, religion, or anything else you think is of merit for posting. You can submit articles after you have signed up on the homepage. Signing up on the forums is encouraged, especially if you have registered on the main page.

Be courteous, and we will be courteous.

A Scrupulosity Blog!

2006-01-15T21:16:00.000-06:00

SCRUPULOSITY

I'm glad to see others who are open with this.

LSH

2006-01-12T11:32:00.000-06:00

Well, I have decided to take a hiatus from LastStopHell yet again. This time, it is official. I'm getting out of there for good.

LastStopHell is an imflammatory Hellfire Fundamentalist website. Don't even go there if you are sensitive or easily triggered, or have an obsessive (and perhaps compulsive) mindset. I used to go there as a follower of Hellfire Fundamentalism, but a year later, I can't stand to see the garbage that goes on. I have been going there to counter the Fundamentalists there, but to no avail. Nothing many people say can steer the Fundamentalists from their thinking.

The moderaters regularly delete and edit posts that contain remarks which with they do not agree (even with remarks from people with a different brand of Christianity than their own), and they have recently lied and slandered a non-Christian moderator and stripped him of his power. It's basically a virtual Fundamentalist church.

It's a Christian site, and yes, they technically have the right to run their website however they wish, but it turns more people away from Christianity. If there is a Satanic website, it's this place.

I'm not posting the URL. Having this problem myself, I know others may be tempted to go look after being warned of its offensive material.

Book of Daniel

2006-01-06T14:37:00.000-06:00

I have heard that many people in the "Christian" community have gotten up in arms about this show. Some NBC affiliates have decided not to air the show because of complains from so-called Christians. Here is the official website.

Emmy nominee Aidan Quinn (“An Early Frost,” “Plainsong,” “Legends of the Fall”) stars as Reverend Daniel Webster, an unconventional Episcopalian minister who not only believes in Jesus - he actually sees him and discusses life with him. Webster is challenged on many levels as he struggles to be a good husband, father and minister, while trying to control a nagging addiction to prescription painkillers, and an often rocky relationship with the church hierarchy, led by Bishop Beatrice Congreve (Oscar winner Ellen Burstyn, “Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore,” “Requiem of a Dream”), Roger Paxton, a senior warden of the parish and stalwart churchgoer (Dylan Baker, “Kinsey,” “Happiness”).

The reverend also has loving, but challenging relationships with his three children: Peter (Christian Campbell, “Trick”), his 23-year-old gay son, who struggles with the loss of his twin brother; Grace (Alison Pill, “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen”), his 16-year-old daughter who doesn't try to push her father's buttons but succeeds at it nonetheless; and Adam (Ivan Shaw, “All My Children”), his 16-year-old adopted Chinese son, a handsome and cocky high school jock with a wicked sense of humor. Keeping Webster grounded is his strong and loving wife Judith (Susanna Thompson, “Now and Again”), who is fighting her own fondness for mid-day martinis, as well as Jesus (Garret Dillahunt, “Deadwood”), whose frequent chats with Daniel serve to remind him of his strengths and weaknesses.

Appearantly, the fact that the minister has a gay son and the slew of other problems being dealt with my the minister bothers the happy-go-lucky reality of mainstream Christians.

The fact is that in this story, the guy actually has a relationship with Jesus. This pretty much confirms that the minister is still His and still part of the "church," as Jesus would say. The minister is also dealing with real-life issues--something, appearantly, True Christians (TM) are not supposed to be bothered with.

I was listening to the Glenn Beck Program this morning, and a fill-in was hosting the show. The host made a good point about how arrogant some Christians are to think that an NBC affiliate should not show a program so that no one sees it. I find this unfair, because from what I have heard from the previews, it shows a more realistic side to "Christian life" as it were, as opposed to the pat TBN storylines in which the son turns straight, the minister gets back in line with his institution, and everything is resolved a two-hour movie.

I think the problem is that the faith of some is so fickle that they can not handle anything that challenges their simplistic world view. As powerful and outspoken as these Fundamentalists may be, their faith shatters at the touch of reality. Allowing challenging things in the public eye weakens their cause even more--hence the reason simply "tuning out" is not enough for Fundamentalists.

OCD Board

2005-12-27T15:39:00.000-06:00

I have removed the link to the OCD message board because a Fundamentalist showed up there and posted some remarks that could have caused people to be triggered. I suspect he may have gone through my blog, but even if he did not, I am removing the link out for the safety of the people on the board.

The Holidays were pretty stressful and my scrupulosity spiked a bit, but now that Christmas is over with I can relax, finally.

Here is the lyrics to the Firefly Theme Song, also known as the Ballad of Serenity. It was inspiring to me today to keep going and keep up the fight against Fundamentalism and my OCD.

Main Title Theme Written by: Joss Whedon
Performed by: Sonny Rhodes

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...

Homophobia

2005-12-09T21:31:00.000-06:00

I found this on another forum:

I am reposting this because this still happens around the world. Even though I'm straight I have good friends who are homosexual and I believe no matter what one feels about Homosexuality, no one should be treated sub-human.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire
a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother
because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach
gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. (yes, this actually happened: read more)

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most,
love.

I am the woman that married and stayed married to a man. He raped me over and over again. So I cut on myself all of those years and now have many scars to show for it before finally leaving. I get visitations sometimes with my children, but not often enough, because they say lesbians are crazy. We cry for eachother almost daily.

Repost this if you believe homophobia is wrong

Thoughts on One Aspect of Fundamentalist Christian Behavior

2005-11-26T18:08:00.000-06:00

Many (keyword: many) Fundamentalist Christians would like to have other people's opinions silenced because they feel that an alternative opinion is a threat to their faith, and in church settings, their "authority" as well.

Most of these Fundamentalist Christians go into demonizing their oppponents in hopes of uniting "the flock" behind their cause. This often works within the group, but the rest of society usually sees the said Fundamentalist as a wack-job.

However, being called a wack-job often reinforces Fundamentalists' viewpoints because of their interpretation of one of Jesus' warnings (that Christians will be persecuted in the last days) to apply almost exculsively to their group, or their group and other radicals.

Cold! Finally!

2005-11-16T23:49:00.000-06:00

Where I live, it actually became cold after a week of warm weather. I am not going to disclose my location on this blog (at least for now), but it's gorgeous outside! Our lowest humidity for today was 20% (very low for where I live), and the stars are so bright tonight!

I hope everyone is doing well, and hopefully we'll all have some less-violent weather soon, heh.

My Take On Christian Fundamentalism

2005-11-08T18:36:00.000-06:00

Something I wrote in response to what someone observed about Christian Fundamentalism:

That's fundamentalism for you. Fundamentalism (of any kind) invades the mind and spreads like a cancer, and all that matters is proving one's point. Unfortunately, the mind is so clouded and closed up that any reaction at all from people only justifies it to themselves.

What I have seen in this thread saddens me because this sort of preaching (not only about homosexuality, but about anything else the deluded mindset drives the person to attack, or "warn" of) only drives people away from Jesus. It sickens me, and it saddens me.

I will have to applaud Space for raising his voice when I was too much of a chicken myself to do so. It is religious fundamentalism of any religion, Christian, Muslim, or whatever that paints the respective diety as a vindictive, manipulative, hateful God. I am not mocking here. I am saying this from my own experience in Fundamentalism and being in contact with others who have been abused by the perpetrators of Fundamentalism.

It hurts. It's abusive. And Fundamentalism is literally killing the spirits of people by spouting what it spout causes people to spout.

It almost makes me cry to think about what Fundamentalism does. It makes me so angry I want to do something that I should not, and so I am speaking up in this post.

I hate Fundamentalism. It's a disease. It infects and destroys. It kills, steals, and destroys souls.

I hope that one day Fundamentalists look at their belief system and think about what they are doing. When I thought about what I did in my turn in the system, my heart was wrenched. It still aches now.

There are people who are dealing with severe mental disorders from the abuse of Christian Fundamentalism. There are people so damaged that they have come to hate Christianity. It's sad, but it's another testament to Fundamentalism's damage.

Please read this, don't delete this immediately. I am saving a copy of this message.

I will also have to add that insecurity is one of the main fuels of Fundamentalism. I was unsure of my Fundamentalist faith, and in turn, I became even more of a Fundamentalist to cover for it.

Now, let's see if I can keep from breaking down in the face of rebukes by the other site this time.

Serenity!

2005-10-30T22:16:00.000-06:00

This actually turned out to be a cool movie. Basically, it is based on the TV series, Firefly It's a show that follows the misadventures of a crooked crew led by a rugged captain with a Texan accent. It's a spaceship show with a western feel to it, although it does contain some Asian elements as well. Read about the movie for yourself:

Serenity Info From IMDB

And a quiz!

"The Shepherd"

Which Firefly character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Blogthings Stuff

2005-10-30T11:20:00.000-06:00

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

There's no one way to eat a Reases. (Stop that, sickos!)

Your Animal Personality

Your Power Animal: Shark

Animal You Were in a Past Life: Polar Bear

You have a strong character - you are an aggressive, ambitious, go-getter.
You were born to lead.

The Animal Personality Test

I may not subscribe to the view of reincarnation, but this was fun anyway. Probably the easiest animal personality test I have ever taken.

You Are Apple Cider

Smooth and comforting. But downright nasty when cold.

What Part of Fall Are You?

Yum!

Donation Options

2005-10-05T17:39:00.000-05:00

The Salvation Army USA

The Red Cross

Bots And Hurricane Aftereffects

2005-10-03T21:17:00.000-05:00

As someone else has addressed advertisements being added to the comments section, I will also mention that I have been finding advertisements in my comments as well. I still want people outside the Blogger network to be able to post, though, but I hope that the administration takes note of the ads.

Also, I am still getting over the cumulative stress of dealing with Hurricane Rita. The stress of watching the hurricane explode into a category five (the strongest type of hurricane on the Saffir-Simpson scale), going through my things and deciding what to take, getting my two cats drugged and put in their carriers, closing down the house, not sleeping in my own bed and worrying about many of the what ifs that one couse have in his mind, and other things those who have evacuated from a hurricane may understand. Thankfully, Hurricane Rita did not hit Houston head-on.

Even though I logically know that there are others who are worse off (such as those who lost everything in any given disaster and those who were in traffic for an insane number of hours), I am still extremely worn out from the whole thing. We arrived at our destination on Wednesday before noon, and we were back in Houston around eightish in the morning. I'm weak, tired, achy, unable at times to keep my balance, and generally disinterested in my classes. I'm depressed, irratible, agressive, and want to keep my IRL social interaction at a minimum. I have been staying off my messenger services because I am too tired mentally to keep up with someone else in a realtime chat. My psychiatrist told me that it would take a while to get over the exhaustion, and another psychiatrist on TV said that it could take three weeks to get over it. I have been less-than-Christian lately.

When I was in the town to which I evacuated, I went off on a Hellfire Fundamentalist on-line. I snapped at those who were trying to help me. While I must admit my actions were wrong, I still need to rest. I am considering staying out of internet socialization if I can help it for a couple of days.

Take care, everyone. I am sorry for the hurt I have caused.

I'm Home

2005-09-25T11:33:00.000-05:00

I just got home. Everything is fine.

I just hope everyone else is doing okay. Send your prayers and good thoughts to those in East Texas, West Luisiana, and area hit by Hurricane Katrina.

Take care, everyone.

Transcript Of My Posts In The Shoutbox At LastStopHell.com

2005-09-21T21:51:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I have internet access at my relatives' house, away from the possible danger zone. The posts go from most recent to oldest. I did this because there have been cases in which the administration at this site has deleted posts and shouts that contain material (which do not always include "obscenity," I have had a shout of mine deleted and it did not contain obscene material that I can remember) with which they do not agree. I also thought it would be alright to share this. If you're not into this sort of thing, by all means, skip this part. I can not say that I am perfect, and I have trouble holding on to my faith sometimes. This was really directed at some people who were trying to prove that the impending disaster was proof that we are in the End Times here and now (meaning, Jesus could return within the next 20 years and being almost certain of it).

21 09 2005 09:48:48
Shadow: Meaning, that things should not be lumped into End Time happenings until the disaster actually happens. The End Times will come sooner or later, the key is to keep the faith until then, and actually have faith when it happens.
21 09 2005 09:46:51
Shadow: I think people should wait until after the event has passed before proclaiming the closeness of the End Times. If people want to argue, they will argue whether it has not actually happened or even after the fact.
21 09 2005 09:31:06
Shadow: Latest From AccuWeather.com: [Please refer to the link below, I edited this for space purposes.]

[The link is no longer available.] Seriously, though, AccuWeather.com is saying that it might weaken significantly right after it hits land.

Everyone take care, now.

Hurricane Concerns

2005-09-19T23:01:00.000-05:00

I may not be posting here from Wednesday through perhaps all of next week. Just wanted you to know in case you want to contact me during that time.

I hope everyone stays safe.

When Is It Enough?

2005-09-17T23:28:00.000-05:00

I know that Christs' followers are supposed to "bear each other's burdens," but when is it time to realize one can not be of help any longer?

I have been conversing with this guy who possibly has borderline personality disorder for about three months now. He also has HOCD, OCD in which the sufferer is fearful that he/she might be gay. There is some good info on HOCD on the BrainPsychics website. Anyway...

It's very stressful, and it is like talking to a rebellious sixteen-year-old with the mind of a five year old (what I think a five-year-old is, anyway). This person is twenty years old. I know I probably should never have gotten into any sort of pen-pal relationship, but I can not leave it now. We're not romantically involved, though.

All I can do is to love the guy. I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist. I am only a junior in college. I have OCD myself. I just do not know what to say to this person. Lately, I have been more stern with him, but I am still fearful of possibly pushing him over the edge. My therapist tells me that if he kills himself, it's his choice, but a part of me says I would be responsible. I have nursed this person through suicidal thoughts three times. This person cuts himself. It's difficult, especially since he just about clings to me.

I feel guilty for wanting to walk away from him, but he always talks about how he is so alone, and that everyone treats him badly. I have been more stern with him to see if he would respond to that, but from what he says, he is going to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it. I do not know where he lives, and I do not want to get personally involved to the point I actually see him in person. He has talked about being violent, and I feel very uncomfortable chatting with him.

I'm not a psychiatrist. Is there one out there, or any other professional in the field of psychology? Two others from the field have told me that it would be okay to cut off communication if I had to, and I can not stay off a certain messaging service forever. A Christian response would be of great help, too.

More Quizzes

2005-09-10T14:06:00.000-05:00

The Selectsmart site is really irritating even with Firefox, so I'm messing with Quizilla.

What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are pretty much the coolest animal, a Liger.

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

New Forum

2005-09-09T15:45:00.000-05:00

A person who has been a great help to me in overcoming my Hellfire Fundamentalism has started a forum about fundamentalism. Here it is:

Beware the Scribes.Net Forum

Spikes

2005-09-08T22:03:00.000-05:00

I have been sick lately, and this has been causing my OCD to spike a bit. While I can handle these spikes, sometimes they plough through anyway. I just have to work through it and gradually redirect my energies elswhere. I accept that I will have spikes. OCD is not cureable (unless there is a miracle), but it can be treated with therapy and medication. Other than that, I have to do my own work and get through the spikes without letting them get to me too much. I have been fortunate to have caught my OCD early on, but I can not imagine the pain others with much severe cases.

For all of you out there, keep going, and do not give up. Believe that you can make it. I know that I am not any of you, but as a sufferer of OCD, I know that it takes just about all of my energy to get through the hard times. It's scary. When I spike, it seems so real. So real, in fact, that the depression that stems from my anxiety puts me into a mental suicidal stupor. Thanks to treatment and hard work, I am able to realize that even in these dark times, there is always hope.

You can make it. There is always hope. Never forget that.

According to Tickle, I am Chewbacca!

2005-09-07T21:39:00.000-05:00

AAAARRRGGGGHHHHR!

"No disrespect to your hair stylist, but you have more in common with Chewbacca the loyal Wookie than you might think. Like "Chewey," you are a powerful force to be reckoned with. Whether you are playing pick-up sports with friends or interviewing for a job, your competitive nature is virtually unbeatable (and more than a little intimidating). But you have a definite gentle side too — a part of you that is more bark than bite and even longs for a cuddle or two.

When it comes to friends, it's quality not quantity. And you're usually the first one on the scene when someone needs a little rescuing (emotional or otherwise). You have a simple sense of right and wrong, and when someone crosses the line, you let them know. You're the ideal righthand man/woman — strong, stable, and ultimately incorruptible."

The Classic Star Wars Test

OCD Sites to Visit, Theological Ramblings and a Summer Cold

2005-09-05T19:39:00.000-05:00

First of all, I give my sincere condolences to those who have lost someone, their belongings, and/or went through Hurricane Katrina. I do not believe that God sent Hurricane Katrina. I believe it is simply a product of the climatic cycle of the year. My hope is that we pull together and give aid and comfort to one another as people recover.

The Hunger Site
FEMA, links to Charity Organizations
Network for Good
The third one has a section listing charities for animal rescues.

I know it would have been smart to post these OCD links sooner, but here are some anyway. I will post more as I come across other sites.

Obsessive Compulsive Foundation of Chicago
The Brainphysics Site
The Brainphysics Forum
A Personal Testimony about Scrupulosity

Just a note: I do not necessarily agree with everything on the sites to which I link on this blog. For one, I am losing belief in eternal torment. I have been getting the sense that eternal torment is not the case, and another person who says that he is a Christian (a person to which I owe much of my reovery from Hellfire Fundamentalism) recently said that he does not believe in it either, so that made me feel more comfortable with the idea. I do am still not sure about Universal Reconciliation, though. I am leaning toward annihlation, or just staying in a place separate from God without any tactile torment (however that could happen in the spiritual realm).

Even if the torment of the Lake of Fire is temporary, it is not a license to wallow in one's vices. I have this temptation, and I am working on it. Even if the punishment is just a purification process, I do not think any sane being would want to make his or her stay longer, given how intense the "fire" is said to be.

One idea I had floating around in my head was that since it is said that those in the Lake of Fire (at least those who have worshipped the Beast and his image) are tormented in the presence of Jesus, it is the fire of God that keeps it aflame. God is said to be "a consuming fire," and the experiences I have had with a force after talking to God, I think this may be put as God's prescense. What I sensed felt beautiful, and I felt wanted. At the same time, this force was painful, and I was afraid that I could be ripped apart if I let it get too close. Once, it did come close, and I was just about floored. It felt like spiritual fire being poured into my body, purifying my being.

Still, from other passages I read in the Bible, I am still not ready to totally throw Eternal Torment out the window. It's horribly shallow, but I just do not think I can do right unless there is a certain fear of God's wrath there. This could remain even if I believed in Universal Salvation (temporary punishment), but the difference between however long it takes to punish someone and eternity is a very large difference. An infinite difference, one could say.

I am also recovering from a summer cold, go me. I have read other testimonies in which people say that being sick makes OCD spike, and I have ascertained that this is the case for me as well.

School

2005-08-25T18:11:00.000-05:00

I started school today. I had Lifespand Growth and Development and History of Rock and Jazz. Tomarrow, I have Principals of Sociology. On Monday, I have the sociology class and Introduction to Humanities.

I am actually glad about starting school again. I actually have a concrete purpose to my day, and I get to socialze and laugh it up with classmates.

I will be more busy, of course, so I may not update this blog as much.

Have a great day!

Normal of the Normal?

2005-08-05T23:58:00.000-05:00

I'm a human!

Find out which Star Wars race you are!

Have fun! ;)

Quiz Time!

2005-08-02T20:29:00.000-05:00

Almost everyone and their dogs are doing it, so decided to post a couple of test results myself.

Dark City
#1 Uncle Karl
#2 Walenski
#3 John Murdoch
#4 Dr. Daniel P. Schraber
#5 Inspector Frank Bumstead
#6 Emma Murdoch
#7 Mr. Hand
#8 Mr. Book

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
#1 Shu Lien Yu
#2 Li Mu Bai
#3 Jiao Long Yu
#4 Lo Xiao Hu
#5 Jade Fox

A Trigun Selector
#1 Vash the Stampede
#2 Meryl Stryfe
#3 Milly Thompson
#4 Kuroneko-sama
#5 Rem Saverem
#6 Legato Bluesummers
#7 Midvalley the Hornfreak
#8 Nicholas D. Wolfwood
#9 Millions Knives

Scrupulosity

2005-08-01T01:25:00.000-05:00

Well, since this is my first entry, I may as well post about my mental disorder. I have OCD. Here is a couple of websites with some general information to clear things up:

The Brainpsychics Site

On Scrupulosity:
Christian with OCD

Here are some posts I made on a couple of board I frequent. I do not like to type everything out, so I am pasting the links to my posts here. I am Shadow on this board.

Testimony 1
Testimony 2

Even while getting over my Fundamentalism, I remain one who tries to do as Christ would. I hesitate to call myself a Christian many times because of my many imperfections. There have been times that I wanted to give up my faith, but I still hold on. Partially through fear of Hell, and partially for a growing love for God. I think there is more to Christianity than Bible-thumping, praying reptitative prayers, worrying about Hell all the time, and reading the Bible as one's main source of guidence. I think there is something deeper, and I have experienced something that I am frightened of because I may be destroyed, and at the same time, I revel in it and love it. I can not help but love this force back. The fear of the force is not from Hell when I experience this force, but that this force may destroy me because I am not used to this "love" (for lack of a better word). I do not agree with condemning people for their different beliefs or lack thereof. I enjoy talking to different people, even though the shell of the Fundamentalism still tries to cling on to my skin like dried paint. If someone has a question, I try to answer as well as I can, but I am still just learning.
Even though my episode with Fundamentalism lasted three months, it still left deep wounds. A slash of a knife may last an instant, but the scar can remain for a lifetime.

I am sorry for any pain I have caused people over the years, and especially pain I have caused in the past few months. My disorder is no excuse for bad behavior on my part. Be in peace, and worry no more.

On a lighter note, UFO Photography Tips and More (article link found on the Coast to Coast AM website):
UFO Fun

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend!

Shadows of the Mind

Pat Roberson on the Haiti Earthquake

Fun Fundies

Christmas Greetings

Don't Panic!

The Day After

Congratulations

Bob Larson to Go on Sci-Fi

Ike's Passing

Hurricane Ike

AntiSpore.com

On Willy Wright's Spore

How Much Better is "Better?"

ABC News Article on Scrupulosity, a Form of OCD

This Blog

God's Gifts in the Age of Science

Happy Holidays

Spiritual Abuse Resources

Update

"Orthodoxy and Gregory of Nyssa's Universalism " by James Edward Goetz

thesearch4truth.net Blog (EDITED)

Rituals

R.I.P. Madeleine L’Engle

The Search for the Truth Message Board Needs Your Help!

Tentmaker Forum Back Up!

On Doing Your Own Spiritual Work

Beware the Scribes down AGAIN

Criticism of Christian Publicaitons

Beware the Scribes Offline Again

Of Harry Potter and Fundamentalism

Not a Catholic? Then You are Just a Partial Christian

Memorial Day

Being Aware of the Spirit

Jerry Falwell

On Emptiness

Much Better Today

Unforgivable Sin

Texas Lawmaker Wants to Ban Homosexuals from Fostering

Conference of the Lambs

Lonliness

Beware the Scribes Back Up! For Real This Time!

(Almost) Achieving Consciousness(?)

Ugghhh...

Journal Entry Delays

First Entry

Things Are Going to Get A Lot More Interesting Around Here

New Links

Back at LSH (Last Stop Hell)

Beware the Scribes Not Likely to be Revived

Beware the Scribes still down...

Pet Love And Loss

Beware the Scribes Back Up!

Andrea Yates Found Not Guilty By Reason of Insanity

Televangelism: Tricks of the Trade

Happy 4th!

Very Pretty Flash On NewGrounds

Memorial Day

Institute For Psychological Heath

Gospel of Judas

New Link!

Medication Continued

Meds--Long Post

Beware the Scribes.Net

A Scrupulosity Blog!

LSH

Book of Daniel

More Scrupulosity Links

OCD Board

Homophobia

Thoughts on One Aspect of Fundamentalist Christian Behavior

Cold! Finally!

My Take On Christian Fundamentalism

Serenity!

Blogthings Stuff

Donation Options

Bots And Hurricane Aftereffects

I'm Home

Transcript Of My Posts In The Shoutbox At LastStopHell.com

Hurricane Concerns

When Is It Enough?